Dear Diary: I am quivering with indignation today. My aides initiated a call to General El-Sissi, Egypt's
military leader, so I could instruct him to stop attacking supporters of President Morsi. But El-Sissi wouldn't take the call. What's with these foreigners, that they will not be told how to run their countries by the leader of the free world? What do they think I am, chopped liver? Don't answer that.Valerie Jarrett secretly flew in a doctor from DC yesterday and he gave me some tablets that calmed me considerably in the wake of those taunting calls from Pootin. In fact, since El-Sissi won't speak to me, I decided to call Pootin. Valerie says I am getting the hang of this diplomacy thing, It was 11pm in Moscow according my iPresidentophone. I speed-dialled Pootin. "Da." He answered. "Vlad...Vlad... wherefore art thou, Vlad?" said a breathless woman's voice. Pootin was obviously auditioning his Shakespearean actress again. "Never mind, dude," I said " You sound busy. I'll call you in the morning." He said something muffled and hung up. But that's enough about me.
