Dear Diary: After my usual breakfast of two eggs over-easy and wholewheat toast, I made my way to the Oval Office, No sooner had I sat down -- first checking my chair for a Whoopee cushion, when the phone warbled. I picked it up to hear a strange, cackling noise at the other end. "Dobraye ootro! Vlad Putin here... how did you like my answer yesterday about Snowden? I spit on your empty threats! I see that you have swallowed the bait from our foreign intelligence service and are closing all your embassies for a couple days, based on intercepted 'chatter' from Al Qaeda. That would be us...Sucker." I warned him sternly: "Don't you try to make fool of me, Vladimir."
"Why Would I?" he said. "You are already doing that without my help." Bastard. I blew a raspberry down the phone and disconnected.
