Dear Diary: O happy day! Valerie Jarrett has given me the day off, while Joe Biden does the schmoozing for an attack on Syria. The weather at Andrews AFB is perfect for a round of golf: sunny, with low humidity, and I have the usual players with me: aides Mike Brush, Marvin Nicholson, and Joe Paulsen, who erupt in admiring applause after my every stroke. Great shot Mr President, sir! Well done, Mr President! At the fourth hole I paused to call Valerie on my specially-engraved iPresidentophone. She urged me to stay at the links for as long as I wanted. "Joe's doing great," she added. You need to relax, Barry." How true, how very true. I usually like to call the Pentagon at the fourth hole and order a drone attack on the next person in my kill-list in order to intimidate other players but, given the current explosive situation I have been told that would be unwise, and might be interpreted as an order to launch cruise missiles at Assadistan, or wherever it is that I drew red lines and Valerie wants me to wage war to save face. But enough about me.