Barack Obama's Diary: Aauugh!

Dear Diary:  Aauuugh! Just when I thought I was out of the woods with My paranoia and the damned moose that follows me everywhere I go, comes a cruel blow from a leading pollster. YouGov declares that an overwhelming number of Americans think that Pootin did a better job of sortin' out Syrian than I-- famous throughout the Muslim world as al-Obama --did.   I charged my iPresidentophone 5S over breakfast this morning ready for a busy day. As I swallowed the last of my Froot Loops and two eggs over-easy with wholewheat toast, the phone blared the Moscow Steelmakers' Choir  rendition of Keep the Red Flag Flying. I slid my thumb across the screen. " Hello," I said. " Obamavitch! Bwaaah-ha-ha! Vlad Pootin here, [for it was he] "Obamavitch,  I see that I am outscoring you in your own nation's opinion polls. Did I not send you Diplomacy for Dummies by Leonid Brezhnev a few weeks back? And did I not I tell you to watch me, Vladimir Pootin, and learn? But noooo-o-o ...you were too grand for that and wanted to play with your cruise missiles, Obamavitch."  Pootin knows how much that nickname assaults my ears like a cheese-grater. "Vlad, For God's Sake stop with that name!" I yelled. " I am the leader of the Free World! I shall not be denied."
"Yeah, Obamavitch, such a leader that you couldn't even get President Rouhani of Iran to do a grin and grasp with you at the UN. You know what he told me yesterday? That you, al-Obama, are a wuss. Have a nice day..."
"Hello? Hello? Vlad?  Too late. He had disconnected. Bastard.