Case Notes: Patient 540463, Obama Barack H.

9/6/13: Patient went to bed very late last night and was up early this morning. He was angry at the world for not buying his Syria attack plan. Vlad Putin  asked for a brief meeting this morning. Patient was suspicious of Putin but agreed  to a meeting after I had administered a modest dose of Ativan to patient to diminish his Vladiphobia. I was not allowed to attend the meeting but patient emerged trembling and looking scared. "Get me to Air Force One, ASAP," he told his Secret Service detail. "Dr. Rink please stay with me. Please!" When we were safely installed in the rear seat of The Beast, patient lay down, put a thumb in his mouth and pulled a small, pink blanket out of a door pocket and began to rub the satin edge against his cheek. "Boo-Boo make things better" he said.  "Boo-boo is a good blankie."  I nodded my agreement, hoping to keep the moron together long enough to get him  back on board AF1 and his private office where I could counsel him and get him to relax for the long flight to DC. I was very concerned about what had happened during his one-on-one meeting with Putin, so I decided to hypnotize  him. In my medical kit I have a device with a row of LEDs that light-up from side to side and I ask patients to follow the movement  with their eyes. A state of hypnosis is usually quickly induced.
"Imagine you are  again entering that private room with Putin," I tell him. " Tell me what transpires."  Patient begins to tremble again and  suddenly gasps:  "Wummff"  and grabs his stomach.  "Putin's has suddenly pivoted and punched me in the solar plexus. He's saying: " Ovitch, keep the hell out of Syria, you pathetic pantiewaist. I fled before he could punch me again."
I tell patient to sleep  and to wake in a couple hours when I snap my fingers. --Dictated by Dr S.H. Rink