Barack Obama's Diary: Sleepless in Saudi Arabia

Dear Diary: Seldom have I been so scared. I had a vivid dream last night while sleeping in Saudi Arabia: I had been condemned to death by stoning. Despite bowing in my  most obsequious way to King Abdullah, in my dream, he refused to intercede. I had no alternative but to place a call to Dr Rink in D.C. and beg for help with my extreme anxiety. He had implanted  key words in my memory the last time he placed me under hypnosis, so that he could reactivate my trance at will.  The moment I boarded Air Force One for the flight home, I found Dr. S.H. Rink in my iPresidentophone contact list. The phone connects to the plane's wi-fi and conversations are automatically encrypted. I was quickly put through to the Good Doctor and explained my plight. "Sit down and fasten your seatbelt, he said. "Are you sitting comfortably?"
"Yes, Doctor," I replied.
"OK... Nancy Pelosi! He said in a commanding voice.
" Auggh! I replied. "She's not here, dude." Strange: That's the last moment I recall before arriving  back at Joint Base Andrews. But enough about me.