Barack Obama's Diary: Counting down to Armageddon

Dear Diary: Today began with a bowl of steaming steelcut oatmeal [Michelle has taken away my beloved Froot Loops and, after about five minutes of chomping, my iPresidentophone came alive with a burst of song from the Red Army Choir.  "Good morning, Vlad," I said, for it was he. " You outta Ukraine yet?" "Nyet" came the voice of my nemesis. "In fact, Obamavitch,  we're invading right now and we have a missile on its way to the White House. I want you to surrender your miserable, enfeebled country within the next  30 seconds or I will activate the missile's payload and you will meet your maker shortly  thereafter. "29...28...27... 26...27... "For God's Sake ....Stop! I begged Putin " I will give you everything you want, anything... just deactivate that payload."  Augghhh! My  voice was shaking and I was weeping with fear.
"Bwaaa-a-a-ha!ha!  APRIL FOOL! 
You guessed it. It was not Vlad Putin,
It was Joe Biden.