Barack Obama's Diary: Take THAT, you rittle yerrow devils

Dear Diary: I'm heartily sick of being kicked around by furriners like Pootin, so decided to make stand today and authorised Eric Withholder to issue arrest warrants for various nefarious Chinese who have been hacking into big corporate networks in the US. Rittle yerrow devils have apparently been consuming trade secrets like they are gigantic orders of General Tsao's chicken [yum!]. These spies operate from China, so will never see the inside of a US jail. But it's the symbolism that matters, burnishing the image of decisive action that my Administration is  now famous for. But enough about me.