Dear Diary: I have David Cameron, the British PM, as a guest today. It will help draw attention away from Valjar's massive faux pas in keeping me away from the Paris march. I have tried blaming it on the Secret Service, but nobody's buying that. We will have to rely on the old 'united front' line. We have stationed a bunch of F35s at our Lakenheath base in Britain, which makes the Brits feel more secure, as Putin probes their defenses with his long-range bombers. In the end, we'll both end up looking better and more competent, which is what these tiresome meetings/photo-ops are for, after all.