Barack Obama's Diary: How I outwitted Michelle

Dear Diary: "There you are, Barry," said Val Jarrett as she discreetly handed me a small package from Nordstrom. As the daily presidential  briefing began, I peeped inside and saw a tube of  anti-
wrinkle serum, just as I had requested. I ducked into the former Clinton masturbatorium and put the package on a high shelf out of sight of Michelle, who will taunt me with cries of "Barry, you poof!" if she finds it. Nobody knows the troubles I've seen in my simple attempt to keep  looking young  enough for my master plan, to succeed Ban-Ki-Moon as UN Secretary-General, after I quit the White House.