Barack Obama's Diary: An exceptional day

Dear Diary:  Revenge is sweet. Pootin called on my new, specially engraved  iPresidentiphone 5C this morning. He avoids our secure hotline because he likes to demonstrate that his encrytion/decryption team is always up to speed with any changes made by NSA.
"Good morning, Obamavitch," he said breezily, for it was indeed morning in D.C. "Feeling exceptionally American this morning? Haaaa!ha!ha!" There came the sound of a sigh  in the background and a woman declaring: "Is this a dagger which I see before me, its handle pointed toward my hand?" Pootin was clearly engaged in late-night frolicking with his Shakespearean actress at his weekend dacha outside Moscow. "Get a life, Obamavitch," he said,"You gotta get out more. You keep confusing defeat with victory.   For you, Obamavitch, Syria equals defeat."  By now I was trembling again-- Pootin is such a big bully. Fortunately, I will be seeing my shrink, Dr Rink, this evening. I have stayed off the weed, so I hope he'll be prescribing an anti-psychotic to get rid of my paranoia and the moose with eyes the size of saucers that is following me around. But enough about me.