Dear Diary: Many people seem to think that I haven't handled Syria well. However today I got to do something I am expert at and rightly famous for -- bowing to Eastern potentates. In this case it was the Emir of Kuwait. We were scheduled to have a bilateral meeting at lunchtime. He is a most imposing figure in his robes. I sank to my knees before him and then prostrated myself on the floor and kissed his Gucci shoes. "Honored Emir," I began, "I am your humble servant Barack Hussein Obama and I am not worthy to touch the hem of your garment." Unfortunately at just that moment Bo trotted into the room and lifted his leg on my prostrate, defenseless body. One of the Emir's aides hissed: " Unclean! Remove that canine immediately!" Joe Biden gamely stepped forward and removed Bo from sight. I said: " We are having mutton for lunch, in your honor, Emir. I have been told that the guest of honor always gets the sheep's eyes. The Emir shook his head and said: " Not in my family. I can't abide eyes. They burst in the mouth in the most repellent way. I gift the eyes to you and your Vice President. And peace be unto you."I said: "Thank you Emir, I am truly honored." I ate my mutton as the eye looked up at me accusingly from the side of the plate, then I toyed with the eye until I could no longer delay eating it. I popped it into my mouth and feigned delight. Then I raised a napkin to my lips and maneuvered the eye forward with my tongue into the folds of the cloth. When I replaced the napkin on my knee, my grip on the the eye faltered and it fell out on to the carpet, where it bounced, rolled, stopped and continued to glare at all of us accusingly. Awkwaaaard... A passing waiter had the presence of mind to subtly nudge the eye out of view. Another war averted. But enough about me.
