Progress Notes for Patient 540463, OBAMA, Barack, H.

2/3/14: Patient is looking disgruntled as only a call from Vlad the Impaler can make him. "Bastard!" he announced to me.When I looked taken aback, he added:"Not you, Doctor. I'm talking about Vlad Putin, who accused me today of throwing a football like a girl." There were two immediate steps I could take to calm patient. One was to address him as a monarch, the second to remind him to pluck the rubber band around his right wrist.  "Your Majesty, I said. "You must apply your Cognitive  Behavioral Therapy,  pluck that band and transport your mind to that safe, moss-lined cave behind a waterfall, where you can hear the distant cry of a muezzin calling the faithful to prayer. Putin will then be unable to cause you anxiety, Majesty. He will be powerless against the force of Your Majesty's will. And you will soon be gruntled again" --- Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.