12/31/14

Cartoon: Yaakov Kirschen

[Dry Bones: Cagle Cartoons]

12/30/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Mea culpa, mea Nissan Maxima culpa

Dear Diary: Oops! Unknown to me, two Marine Captains had planned to marry on the golf course yesterday, but my round of golf upset their arrangements. Yikes! Talk about bad optics, as Valerie Jarrett did, at great length yesterday evening. At her command, we went into full damage control mode, which included a phone call  from  me to the couple. By a remarkable  coincidence it happened to be recorded and was broadcast on the main newscasts.Mission accomplished.

Joke of the Day...

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6′ 2″, strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff’s Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the  final interview.
The Chief Deputy said, “You’re a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an “Attitude Suitability Test” that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.”
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, “Take this pistol and go out and shoot paper targets that look like six murderous illegal aliens, six scum-sucking lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six corrupt Democrats and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?” queried the applicant.
“You pass,” said the Chief Deputy. “When can you start?”
[from Clashdaily.com]

12/29/14

Pope pushes climate change hoax

You know the Catholic Church is in trouble when the left-wing Guardian refers to Francis as the “superman Pope.” He didn’t earn this dubious honor just by brokering Obama’s embrace of the communist slave state in Cuba. He has promoted state-inflicted poverty by attacking economic freedom and is now pushing the global warming hoax.   More

Abominable O-Man displaces wedding

Two Army soldiers reportedly had to relocate their Hawaii wedding over the weekend so the commander-in-chief could play golf.
Bloomberg reports that the Army captains, Natalie Heimel and Edward Mallue Jr., had planned to get married at the 16th tee box at Kaneohe Klipper Golf Course, on Marine Corps Base Hawaii, on Sunday.
But just as they were finishing their wedding rehearsal on Saturday, they were told they'd have to move -- to accommodate the president's round the following day.
"It was emotional, especially for her -- she's the bride and in less than 24 hours they had to change everything they had planned," Mallue's sister Jamie McCarthy told Bloomberg. [ECS]

12/27/14

Socialized medicine NOT at work

MORE than 300 patients a day are having operations cancelled as the UK's National Health Service runs out of available  beds, official figures show.  Surgeons were forced to delay planned, “elective” procedures 3,113 times in the first two weeks of this month.  This is an average of 311 each working day and a rise of almost 50% on the same period two years ago. The numbers are up 16% in the last year alone.
Another 161 urgent operations — where life, limb or organs were at risk — were also cancelled in the first half of this month, up from 138 last year.

Hi ho, ho hi, oh my...

Racism alert:  Fox News reported today that Walt Disney's new movie called "Jet Black," the African-American version of "Snow White”, has been canceled.  All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Homeboy and Shank have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black women.   They also emphatically won't sing, "It's off to work we go."  [SVW]

12/24/14

Outrageous: Researchers exposed to Ebola at CDC lab

Researchers studying Ebola in a highly-secure laboratory mistakenly allowed potentially lethal samples of the virus to be handled in a much less secure laboratory at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, reports The Washington Post.

  • One technician in the second laboratory may have been exposed to the virus and about a dozen other people have been assessed after entering the facility unaware that potentially hazardous samples of Ebola had been handled there. More here.

Two fervent Christmas wishes...

Barack Obama's Diary: Yikes! It's Christmas and I'm giftless in Hawaii.

Dear Diary: I am in deep doo-doo. I thought I had Christmas under control,  but reckoned without the extra shipping time that Amazon needs to deliver to Hawaii. So I will have to face Michelle on  Christmas morning with nothing but a rain check. She's much bigger than me. What shall I do? An abject apology seems the only course: to kneel before her and throw myself at her mercy, declaring : "Madam Michelle I am a miserable little man, who is unworthy even to touch the hem of your Santa-and-reindeer pajamas."
I called Valerie Jarrett. who suggested  I  promise Michelle Air Force One for a vacation anywhere in the world that she chooses. Brilliant! What would I do without Valerie?

12/22/14

Joke of the Day...

North Korea's Internet has been down all day. Both PCs have been unable to communicate.

12/21/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Cha ..cha....Chia

Dear Diary:  I am delighted to have done all my holiday shopping in good time-- online-- so I can dedicate my time in Hawaii to the serious business of golf. For my progressive friends who delight in taking offence on behalf of everyone else, I chose an ISIS Chia Pet -- a neutral Islamic figure with seedlings growing where the beard would normally be. This seems to have been well-received, among my Arab friends, like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. As a further bonus, I sent one to my old buddy, Fidel Castro, who thanked me profusely, clearly under the impression that it was specially made for him. What a cunning boy am I.

There's blood 'on the hands of our top officials'

"The national dialogue on proper and effective policing has been totally distorted. Activists purporting to represent the majority of the black community have been bolstered by a 24-hour news cycle that gives them unwarranted credibility," writes former NYC Police Commisioner Howard Safir. "I do not believe for one minute that Al Sharpton represents the feelings of most hardworking, law abiding black American families. I know through dozens of community meetings during my time as NYC Police Commissioner that what the black community wants most is what we all want—a safe environment in which to live their lives.
"There are 18,000 police departments in the United States. They interact millions of times with the public, and make hundreds of thousands of arrests. Very few result in a suspect’s death or injury. We do not have police forces out of control as the media and the Sharptons of the world would have us believe. Does that mean that there are not serious incidents of police abuse or misjudgment? Of course there are. When they take place we should investigate them thoroughly and prosecute and punish those who committed the wrong doing. We should not burn down buildings and murder police officers.
"When Ismaaiyl Abdulah Brinsley brutally executed Officers Ramos and Liu he did so in an atmosphere of permissiveness and anti-police rhetoric unlike any that I have seen in 45 years in law enforcement. The rhetoric this time is not from the usual suspects, but from the Mayor of New York City, the Attorney General of the United States, and even the President." It emboldens criminals and sends a message that every encounter a black person has with a police officer is one to be feared. Nothing could be further from the truth. We will never know what was in the mind of Brinsley when he shot officers Ramos and Liu. However we do know that he has seen nothing but police bashing from some of the highest officials in the land.

Police lives matter


12/17/14

Ineffectual O surrenders to Cuba

Senator Marco Rubio said on Wednesday he would "make every effort" to block moves by President Barack Obama toward normalizing relations with the Cuban government, Reuters reports.
"The president’s decision to reward the Castro regime and begin the path toward the normalization of relations with Cuba is inexplicable," Rubio said.
The Florida Republican senator, who is Cuban-American, said he would use his role as chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee's Western Hemisphere subcommittee in the new Congress to try to block the plan.

Senate Democrats say we tortured some people

[Spotted by  RK, our man in Vermont]

12/16/14

Farage scolds Europe

TG, our Alaska contributor,  shares the LC's admiration for Nigel Farage, Member of the European Parliament, who never leaves anyone in the slightest doubt about his views. If there is any justice in this world this superb public speaker will be British Prime Minister within a decade.

Jeb jumps in

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced Tuesday that he will "actively explore" the possibility of a presidential run in 2016. Bush announced in a Facebook post that he decided to take the step after spending Thanksgiving with his family. "As a result of these conversations and thoughtful consideration of the kind of strong leadership I think America needs, I have decided to actively explore the possibility of running for President of the United States," he wrote.

Barack Obama's Diary: Archiebishop Kurtz comes a-callin'

Dear Diary: I had to break off a pleasant morning of watching ESPN to meet with  Archbishop Joseph Kurtz of Louisville, President of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. He, like all Catholics, wanted to bend my ear about contraception legislation under ObamaCare. I gave him a polite 15 minutes then started staring at the door of the one-time Clinton mutual masturbatorium. "Like a tour?" I asked.  He quickly left. Then came lunch with Biden who is increasingly out of his mind, followed by a security briefing in the Situation Room. The excitement of it all can become quite overwhelming. I do believe I should take a power-nap, or watch some ESPN reruns

12/15/14

Cartoon: A.F. Branco

Update: Terror in the heart of Sydney

People are being held hostage  by a gunman/men in a cafe in central Sydney. Our man in Sydney, BH, has an office nearby and reports that he and many others in the vicinity would would like nothing more than for police sharpshooters to take out the bastard.At least Australia's no-nonsense Prime Minister, Tony Abbott,  is unlikely to offer Obama-style milque toast treatment for the terrorists. Aussies wouldn't react well to that.
Latest: Police have stormed the cafe after hearing a gunshot. The hostagee taker [an Iranian] and one hostage are dead. 

12/14/14

Cartoon: Gary McCoy

[Cagle Cartoons]

Barack Obama's Diary: Life's a slam dunk, folks


Dear Diary:  My, what a fuss about nothing. I mentioned casually to someone that I usually spend my mornings watching ESPN and all hell breaks loose. People want know why I'm not attending those hideously tedious presidential briefings. Duh...who cares what ISIS is up to, or Vlad Putin. Just hold all my calls, shut the hell up, give me an NBA rerun,   big-screen TV from my brothers in Ferguson, a soda and a packet of       Cheetos 

12/13/14

Fauxcahontas's Diiary: Me feel heap big draft

Dear Diary: How.... After heap big pow-wow, Democrat tribal elders decided today that they want to draft genuine 1/32 Cherokee squaw like me to run for President in 2016. Me, Fauxcahontas, very flattered and  certain that me will outdraw hideous pant-suited squaw Hillary Clinton at the ballot box and in raising campaign wampum.


12/9/14

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

The Dung Beetle Award goes to...

The Academy of Dung Beetles' Award is being rolled towards professor Charles Angeletti, who teaches at Metropolitan State University of Denver, and has his students learn an anti-American spoof of the Pledge of Allegiance that denounces the U.S. as a Republican-controlled bastion of injustice, all while spewing his own far-left brand of politics, according to current and former students. [ECS]

12/8/14

Wrong book store?

One of our two esteemed New York contributors, ECS, is a very proper lady. She insists that this stuff finds her, not the other way around:

Barack Obama's Diary: I woo the artist known as Prince

Dear Diary: My fame is spreading. Prince William came visiting today. "Hi, Dook, How is LaKatesha?" I asked him, loudly enough for any nearby open mike to pick up. My speak-like-ordinary-black-folks- campaign seems to be showing up positively in the polls, so I am continuing it for the time being.

Aromatherapy...

A scent that reduces anxiety and induces an immediate sensation of calm, control and security [TG]



12/7/14

Joke of the Day...

On a state visit to Jerusalem Barack Obama has a fatal heart attack. A funeral director tells US diplomats  that it will cost $400 for him to be buried in the Holy City, versus $1million to fly his remains home. The diplomats huddle  together and then opt for the million dollar option.
"Do you mind telling me why?" asks the funeral director.
"Easy, came the reply: " Some 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried here and 3 days later rose from the dead. We just can't afford to take that chance."  [TG]

12/6/14

Feinstein: An update

Those who placed their faith in the quote we carried purporting to have com from Dianne Feinstein  deserve an update and apology from us. Snopes, the urban myth finder has this version.

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: Obama, Barack H.

12/06/14  Patient has been in a state of near-hysteria all day, complaining of a persistent sore throat. His physician recommended a CT scan out of "an abundance of caution."  [That phrase beloved of bureaucrats, meaning "if you are going to panic, panic now."] Patient was whisked away to  Walter Reed Military hospital, which further raised his anxiety level, because he is convinced --with some justification --that the  military are hostile towards him. Valerie Jarrett called me in to stay alongside him and give him reassurance. The moment he laid eyes on me, he seized my hand and begged me in a fierce whisper: "Please doctor, I'm terrified that these bastards are going to pull a Joan Rivers on me. Give me something to calm me down...." I gave him a small dose of mild sedative after first consulting with my old medical school buddy, Ronny Jackson, patient's long-suffering physician.  Dictated by S.H.Rink MD.

12/5/14

Wicked witches of the West

Dianne Feinstein declares: "All vets are mentally ill in some way and government should prevent them from owning firearms."   
Our Alaska contributor [TG] found this priceless rebuttal in the LA Times by columnist Burt Prelutsky:
 "Frankly, I don't know what it is about California, but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine, even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we're Number One. There's no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on ' Macbeth '. The four of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of blab. You don't know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words."

Barack Obama's Diary: I choose a tough SecDef

Dear Diary: Joe Biden was pissed at the way I offloaded Chuck Hagel and he felt strongly that the next SecDef should be someone who will  push back hard when representing the Pentagon. Ashton Carter was the consensus choice. I had him  meet me in the Oval Office just before my formal announcement of his appointment. There was a tentative knock at the door. "Carter?"  I  inquired. "Sir" came the reply. "Come in," I  said. "Let's  begin as we'll continue. Get on your knees, crawl towards me and ask my permission before standing up."  He obliged without protest. A good sign for the future 

12/4/14

Hillary's Diary: Hic...hic...hooray

Dear Diary: The National Enquirer  is suggesting that I am more frequently inebriated than some thinkle may peep I am. Some say Bill is trying to arrange a secret rehab for me before I begin my Presidential run. Nonsense! What difference, at this stage, could rehab poshibly make?

Obama 'mulling sanctions against Israel'

The Obama administration is refusing to discuss reports that emerged early Thursday claiming that the White House is considering imposing sanctions on Israel for continuing construction on Jewish homes in Jerusalem.
State Department spokeswoman Marie Harf dodged several questions on Thursday when confronted with reports that the administration had held secret internal meetings to discuss taking action against Israel for its ongoing building in East Jerusalem.

Priceless Palin tweet skewers Obama


12/1/14

LaSasha and LaMalia in LaSnit

Dear Diary:  I am continuing my efforts to get closer in speech and mannerisms to ordinary folks. No more elitist names: "LaKiesha" would be over the top. But LaSasha and LaMalia will make us sound closer to ordinary folks. They have been very upset over inappropriate comments about their demeanor at my ceremonial pardoning of the White House turkey.