Barack Obama's Diary: Deflatin' Mitt

Dear Diary: I am beyond furious. That rat Romney has been going around saying that Putin is outperforming me on the world stage. Of course Romney isn't party to the devastating rebuffs  I deliver to Putin daily whenever he calls seeking my counsel, addressing me with the affectionate nickname "Obamavich." I'll bet lotsa rubles that Mitt has never been honored with the nickname Mittvich.
By an odd coincidence my mobile phone at that very moment sounded a dirge from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir [or Motab to us cognoscenti] which I had set as Mitt's ringtone the night he lost to me. "Mitt," I said, for it was he, "What can I do for you, other than accepting your apology for your slanderous remarks about me and Putin?"
"Barack. I have a question for you. I had a call this morning from a man  calling me Mittvich and claiming to be Vlad Putin.  Is he for real?"
" Mittvich is Russian for moron, " I said.  If you hear from him again, Mitt, just hang up."  Heh-heh,
Problem solved.

Putin 'outperforming Obama', says Mitt

Mitt Romney thinks Vladimir Putin is better at being president than Barack Obama.
Romney, who lost the presidential race to Obama, told NBC that the Russian leader “outperformed” the president “time and time again on the world stage."
 [Source]

Dim Crims: What kind of fuel am I ?

ANTI-FRACKING protesters who glued and chained themselves to fuel pumps in Bolton, England, over the weekend were at the wrong  gas station, it has emerged. Four people were arrested after anti-fracking protesters used glue and bicycle locks to attach themselves to fuel pumps. The group had chosen to base the protest next to a Total station after the French firm announced it would be investing more than £12 million in the UK’s shale gas industry.  [Source]    [BJS]

Socialist medicine in action

A Canadian-eye view:              [BJS]

Cartoon: Riber Hansson

[Riber Hansson, Sweden]

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack, H.

01/25/14:  Events have taken a strange turn. Patient has suddenly become convinced that he needs to appeal more to the 18-25 demographic. He has taken to doing karaoke-style performances of Justin Bieber songs... Oh baybuh, baybuh, baybuh, etc., [rinse and repeat] Valerie Jarrett is over the moon with this and thinks that if a few video clips are deliberately leaked, it will help to draw the young to Obamacare which they have so far completely ignored. That may be so, but during my consultation today, patient was still showing classic symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder-- which can be summarized as "Me, Me, Me, Me" ---Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.

Barack Obama's Diary: Glad-handing Vlad

Dear Diary: I was filled with expectation upon waking today, the first morning that I would be having Count Chocula cereal instead of Froot Loops. I emptied a generous portion into my bowl  and added some milk.  I scooped up a spoonful and  chewed. There was a satisfying series of crunching sounds, like someone walking down a gravel driveway.  Almost immediately my iPresidentophone blared forth the harmonies of the Moscow Steel Foundry Male Voice Choir. "Good Morning Vlad," I said cheerily, for it was he. "Found any black widows today? Bwaaaahahaha! The richness and power of my gloating laugh surprised even me. The Count Chocula was doing its job, filling me with energy and self-confidence. Putin wanted to know if there had been any progress with the Pentagon brass allowing Russia to borrow our newest bomb detectors for the Sochi Olympics."I suggest you call the Pentagon," I said. "I have a drag-race to organize."  That is true. Valerie Jarrett thinks a Justin Bieber-style street race between me and Joe Biden would do wonders for our standing among the 18-24 demographic. But enough about me.

Dim Crims: How not to rob a pizza guy

 Police in Tuscaloosa say a 20-year-old man robbed a pizza delivery driver after phoning in the order from his own address. The driver says he showed up at the home, knocked, and got immediately surrounded by armed men who stole his money and pizzas. Police canvassed the neighborhood armed with descriptions, and people kept pointing them back to the original house. Inside they found 20-year-old Michael Antonio Long, the stolen pizzas, and even the bag they came in. More arrests are expected to follow.      [BJS]

Progress Notes for Patient 540463, OBAMA, Barack, H.

01/24/14: Patient was in an unusually silly mood when I arrived for my scheduled consultation.   He and Joe Biden were  sitting in the Oval Office, giggling, with tears streaming down their faces. Patient said: "You don't approve of weed so I made something that's Bieber-awesome:  Purple Drank, Sizzurp whatever you wanna call it, doctor dude."

"I'll come back this evening when you have recovered your senses, I said, unamused "You may have time to waste, but I don't." There was a renewed explosion of giggles as I turned on my heel and left. I stopped at Valerie Jarrett's office on my way out, explained the situation and suggested she remove  any soda, Skittles and cough syrup from Moron's environment. ---Dictated by S.H.Rink, M.D.

Cartoon: Nate Beeler

[The Columbus Dispatch]

Barack Obama's Diary: Cereal killer

Dear Diary: I have had to deal with an emergency today. After my discovery that Froot Loops all taste the same, I resolved immediately to find a non-Kellogs cereal worthy of daily consumption by the man with world's finest brain. I instructed my chef and my golf buddy, Sam Kass, to  come up with a cereal that would satisfy my demanding, sophisticated palate. He quickly found a worthy candidate: Count Chocula, a chocolate-flavored cereal made by General Mills. Bwaaahahahahaaa! Just the thing to fortify my resolve before Vladimir Putin calls at breakfast time, which he invariably does. But enough about me.

Times editor: Obama admin. is 'most secretive ever'

New York Times editor Jill Abramson says the Obama administration is "the most secretive" she has ever had to contend with.
Speaking to Al Jazeera's John Seigenthaler, Abramson pointed to the administration's unprecedented number of leak investigations:
"It is the most secretive White House that I have ever been involved in covering...I dealt directly with the Bush White House when they had concerns that stories we were about to run put the national security under threat. But, you know, they were not pursuing criminal leak investigations. The Obama administration has had seven criminal leak investigations. That is more than twice the number of any previous administration in our history. It's on a scale never seen before. This is the most secretive White House that, at least as a journalist, I have ever dealt with.
She added that the decision to be so aggressive towards the press "would have to" come directly from President Obama himself.  [More]        BJS

ObamaCare: reporters become the story

After months of hype and hysteria, insurance policies purchased under the Affordable Care Act went into effect on New Year’s Day, and journalists have largely pivoted from writing about the problems of HealthCare.gov to how the law is actually working for consumers.
Some journalists don’t have to look very far. Charles Ornstein writes: "Back in December, I wrote about Missouri public radio reporter Harum Helmy, who earned too much for her state’s Medicaid program and too little to qualify for a subsidy that would have offset the cost of an insurance policy on Healthcare.gov. “I know — an uninsured health reporter,” she wrote to me. “The joke’s not lost on me.”  Since then, reporters across the country have been telling their stories—and they seem to square with the broader experiences of the public.  [Source]        [BJS]

Progress Notes for Patient 540463, OBAMA, Barack, H.

1/23/14: I had arranged for a morning consultation with Patient, which I immediately regretted upon entering the Oval office. He was sitting at the Resolute desk with rows of Froot Loops cereal in front of him, carefully arranged by color.  Uh-oh  I thought. I'm going have to add Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to his multiple mental issues. He was nibbling at each color and smacking his lips. "Bastard capitalists" he cried, "they have been cheating me for years. All the colors  do indeed taste the same."
"You have my sympathy Majesty," I said soothingly, and with some relief. It seems that all I have to deal with is  the familiar paranoia and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. ---Dictated by S.H.Rink, M.D. 

Equality of income in action

[From Aftermath]