Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack H.

1/8/14: Patient was still in a traumatized state over the Gates book tonight when Valerie Jarrett called me over again to calm him down.  She has arranged for me to be given a room, with a closet for a change of clothes, to bunk down during patient's times of crisis: like tonight, when he was wandering the halls stopping before portraits of former Presidents. As I was approaching him quietly he giggled girlishly and said to Abe Lincoln: "Apart from that,  how was the play, Mr President?" [an oldie, but a goody]. " Come with me, Your Majesty," I said, using the title that reassures him most. "I think Mr Lincoln has heard that one before." I gently led him back to his family apartment, fed him a sedative  tablet, found his blankey Boo-boo for him and retired to my new private room, giving instructions to his Secret Service detail to call me if I was needed later.---Dictated by S.H.Rink, M.D.

Walmart trumps Obamacare

For many years, Walmart has been the target of unions and liberal activists who have harshly criticized the company’s health care plans, calling them “notorious for failing to provide health benefits” and “substandard.”
But a Washington Examiner comparison of the two health insurance programs found that Walmart’s plan is more affordable and provides significantly better access to high-quality medical care than Obamacare. Independent insurance agents affiliated with the National Association of Health Underwriters and health policy experts compared the two at the request of the Examiner.
Walmart furnished employee benefit information to the Examiner. Neither Obamacare advocate Families USA nor the United Food and Commercial Workers, which backs anti-Walmart campaigns, responded to Examiner requests.

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack H.

1/7/14: I had an urgent call from Valerie Jarrett asking me to hurry to Patient's private family apartment where he was having a major breakdown. A Secret Service agent let me in and I proceeded straight to patient's family room where he was sprawled face down on the hideous brown sofa. "Woe, oh woe unto me," he said and plucked listlessly at the rubber band around his right wrist where  I had suggested he wear it so he could pluck it firmly whenever anxiety became unbearable. "What is troubling you,  your Majesty?"  I asked. [patient finds it reassuring to be addressed as a monarch]
"A single name, encapsulates it, Doctor... Gates, Robert Gates. That traitorous spa...spa... spawn of the devil has just published a  boo..boo...book titled Duty, in which he calls into question my impeccable leadership while he was my Secretary of Defense.  It's like Brutus stabbing Julius Caesar. Bastard."
The damage to Patient's ego  was obvious and severe. " I'll give you an injection  to help you sleep, Majesty, and prevent you wandering the halls tonight wringing your hands," I said and gave him a shot of Ativan. He gathered up his satin-edged blankey, Boo-boo, rubbed his cheek with it and while sucking a thumb, the Moron fell deeply asleep. I quietly let myself out, "He'll be better in the morning," I reassured Jarrett, and then  I drove home. ---Dictated by S.H.Rink, M.D.

Barack Obama's Diary: Long-distance frost

Dear Diary: No sooner had I scooped up my first spoonful of Froot Loops, when my iPresidentophone sprang to life with the cop siren sound that I assigned to Michelle. "Good morning, my love," I said, "and how are things at the Grand Old Oprah?"
"Kidding around won't help," she said, clearly not amused. I swear that the polar vortex has originated from her in Hawaii. I made polite inquiries about her well-being then disconnected after a brief exchange. But I was prevented from finishing my cereal by the immediate interruption of the Moscow Steel Foundry Male Voice choir's rousing rendition of Keep the Red Flag Flying.
"Hey Vlad," I said,  for it was he. "How are things in Sochi?"
"We don't deal in half measures like you do, Obamavitch, the whole Olympic region is surrounded by a ring of steel. Watch and learn." 

Al Gore's global colding

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack. H.

1/6/14 Patient is distraught. After his recent promise of executive measures against global warming, 20-year low temperatures have descended upon the nation. Today's consultation in patient's private quarters was constantly interrupted by patient snapping the  rubber band  around his wrist to counter his feelings of anxiety. He is further distressed by White House spokesperson Jay Carney having grown a beard over the holidays. "Doc, there's only room for one --snap -- beard  --snap --in the White House," patient declared, "and she's still in Hawaii." Snap...snap --Dictated by S.H.Rink, M.D.

Barack Obama's Diary: Snap dragons

Dear Diary: I have implemented Dr. Rink's cognitive behavior therapy, wearing a rubber band around my right wrist and snapping it when I feel anxiety building up. As instructed, I have trained myself to associate that  snap with  a relaxed and calm place. It was working well until the reports started coming in about record low temperatures. I was warning about global warming and record high temperatures a few months ago and now even the weather is conspiring  to humiliate me. And this comes after Michelle refused to return to D.C. with me opting instead to kick back her heels at Oprah's Maui spread. Excuse me for a moment: Snap! Snap! A mental magic carpet just whisked  me away to a sunny golf course where I'm playing brilliantly and three under par. But enough about me.

Hitler series: Hitler loses his doctor

Our tax dollars at work

First Lady Michelle Obama did not accompany President Obama and their daughters home from Hawaii, a decision that will likely cost taxpayers at least a couple of hundred thousand dollars.The White House described the move as a "birthday gift" from President Obama to his wife,  allowing her to "spend time with friends" ahead of her 50th birthday. More

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Cartoon: Randall Enos

A Winning Barrage from Farage

Followers of Laughing Conservative know that the LC is a long-time admirer of Nigel Farage, leader of the UK Independence Party [UKIP] besides being a very talented public speaker he is turning the UKIP into a  rapidly-growing UK  version of the Tea Party, that threatens  a real shake-up of the UK's moribund political scene. Here he is,  giving hell to the Eurocrats of the European Parliament.

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack H.

1/4/14: In those few moments in Hawaii when Patient was not on a golf course,  I have managed to get him started on a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, since I think a drug-free regimen is the best anti-anxiety treatment for a man who loves his  Blueberry Yum Yum. My aim has been to redirect some of the anxiety he  feels when he does not excel at something [which, in his case, means most things] I have recommended that he always wear a rubber band around his right wrist and pluck at it whenever he feels anxiety, and practice associating the sting of the elastic band with a calm, safe place, like his White House bunker,  that he can retreat to mentally until the panic wears off. No sooner had we boarded Air Force One for the long ride home when the onboard communications officer announced that he had Vladimir Putin on the line. Patient quickly made his way to his desk and picked up the phone. "Vlad? he asked. I was not permitted to be close enough to clearly overhear the conversation, but the Moron immediately began snapping the rubber band and continued to do so busily through  the entire conversation, which I take as a hopeful sign that I may be making some progress in alleviating his acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder.---Dictated by S.H. Rink M.D.   

Barack Obama's Diary: A grave decision

Dear Diary, This being our last day in Hawaii, I felt an obligation to take  Sasha and Malia  to visit Grandpa Dunham's grave at the National Memorial Cemetery. I regretted it almost immediately as our motorcade was repeatedly delayed by traffic. But we made up for lost time by being back in the motorcade four minutes after finding the grave. With family duties  fulfilled, we departed for the zoo.
Later we had a last dinner at the Morimoto restaurant before boarding Air Force One for the long flight home. We should be back in the White House around midday Sunday, and I’ll be back at work Monday. But enough about me.

Obamacare ignores babies

When parents covered by ObamaCare have a baby, they can tell their families, friends, and co-workers—but not the federal government. It seems the HealthCare.gov website doesn't provide that option at the moment, reports AP. Nor can participants report other life-changing circumstances, such as marriage, divorce, a change in income, or a geographical move. The glitch was supposed to have been fixed after the launch, but got shunted aside amid bigger tech problems.
"It's just another example of, 'We'll fix that later,'" says an industry consultant. "This needed to be done well before January. It's sort of a fly-by-night approach." So what's a new mom to do? Report the child's birth directly to her insurer to make Junior is covered, then report it to the federal insurance marketplace ... whenever the fix is made. As of now, there's no estimate on when that might be. [BJS]