Barack Obama's Diary: Game of Drones

Dear Diary: I am seething with rage at the GOP inaction in the face of the immigrant windfall. Here I am  achieving the miracle of importing thousands of lifetime Democrat voters and ACA patients while seeming to do all I can to stem the tide and all they do is refuse to implement an amnesty.  I discussed with Biden over lunch, if a few ISIS-style beheadings in the Rose Garden might bring the GOP to heel. Biden  agreed, which was an immediate signal to abandon the idea.  And then there is the problem of the Supremes who are making my life a living hell.  I took a fat spliff out of my special supply of Blueberry Yum Yum in the secret compartment of the Resolute Desk, where Teddy Roosevelt kept his big stick.  Then l smoked it out on the South Lawn  to get a second opinion.  I was thus engaged when I heard a buzzing, whirring sound. A drone! I must take cover! ISIS is more resourceful than I thought... or is this is how Vladimir Putin  gets his uncanny ability to track all my activities?


Dim Crims: Stick shift foils car thieves

Three teens tried to steal a Seattle woman’s car, but couldn’t because none of them knew how to drive a stick shift.  “I got a five speed in there,” Nancy Fredrickson, 70, said. “They couldn't figure out how to get it going!”  Fredrickson said she had just walked around the back of her car to get something from the trunk when she heard someone demanding her keys.
At first she thought it was a joke; then, she saw a gun.
Frederickson dropped her keys and said the teens jumped into the car.
But none of them knew how to drive it. [Source]

Big bang theory

TEL AVIV, Israel --The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but WILL detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
 Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.
 You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: "Attention standby passengers, El Al announces a seat available on flight 670 to London."  [TG]

Intermittent posting: The Reason Why

  • Laughing Conservative greatly values its readers and asks forgiveness for any temporary lack of postings in the next month as we negotiate the perils of moving house. Meanwhile, we will fight to keep up a steady diet of conservative cartoons and popular items like Dim Crims. We will work to ensure there is something worth visiting us for each day. Our amazing contributors will continue to scout for notable links.


Obamanomics: The plunge resumes

The U.S. economy contracted much more than previously thought during the first quarter of this year, revised estimates show. Rather than the 1 percent growth the Commerce Department reported last month, gross domestic product fell by 2.9 percent, the worst performance in five years. That brings total growth down by three percent since the government first reported its estimates in April. There hasn't been a larger difference between the second and third revised estimates in 38 years, the Commerce Department said on Wednesday. While the economy's woes have been largely blamed on an unusually cold winter, the magnitude of the revisions suggest other factors at play.  [Source]


Burglar leaves open trail on Facebook

A Minnesota man is in jail because he logged on to Facebook.
Police say 26-year-old Nicholas Wig checked his profile from a home he broke into, and then he didn’t log off. “World’s dumbest criminal,” the homeowner James Wood said. [Source]  BJS


Dim Crims: Footballer goes long, comes up short

A Detroit man is facing felony charges after he allegedly tried to throw a football containing drugs, cell phones and other contraband into the yard of a state prison in Jackson on Sunday.
The throw came up short and the football landed between two fences at the G. Robert Cotton Correctional Facility and not land in the yard where prisoners exercise, said Trooper Toby Baker of the Michigan State Police Jackson post.  A prison officer saw Christen Deon-Sterling Moore, 32,  throw the ball.


Hillary ambushed by guerilla conservative

 From LC contributor ECS

Hillary is asked to dedicate book to "Christopher Stevens"

Hillary put me through hell, says rape victim

Hillary Clinton presents herself as a champion of women and girls, but one woman who says she was raped as a 12-year-old in Arkansas doesn’t think Hillary deserves that honor. This woman says Hillary smeared her and used dishonest tactics to successfully get her attacker off with a light sentence—even though, she claims, Clinton knew he was guilty.
The victim in the 1975 sexual abuse case that became Clinton’s first criminal defense case as a 27-year-old lawyer has only spoken to the media once since her attack, a contested, short interaction with a reporter in 2008, during Clinton’s last presidential campaign run. Now 52, she wants to speak out after hearing Clinton talk about her case on newly discovered audio recordings from the 1980s, unearthed by The Washington Free Beacon and made public this week.  [BJS]


Dim Crims: Graffiti artist leaves trail for cops

Francisco Canseco aged 18, was in a San Diego court, waiting to face misdemeanor graffiti vandalism charges when, police allege, he whipped out his paint pen and tagged the backs of courtroom chairs and hallway benches with his moniker, The San Diego Union-Tribune reports.
Police say they tied the graffiti to Canseco using the software tool Graffiti Tracker, then searched his home and found the same moniker painted all over, plus lots more graffiti paraphernalia. Now, those misdemeanor charges are on hold—because he's facing felony charges for the courtroom tags, which cost more than $400 to clean up. Canseco is allegedly a particularly prolific artist; he was facing 31 misdemeanor counts, and has been arrested in connection with more than 60 graffiti cases, according to NBC San Diego.  [BJS]

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Redskins entitled to take offense

Laughing Conservative agrees that the name Washington Redskins is offensive.  What fine, upstanding, redskin would want a name synonymous  with  spreading and paralyzing bureaucracy?

Cartoon: Stilton Jarlsberg


Al Qaeda rebounds in Iraq

A HUGE OUTBREAK OF VIOLENCE in northern Iraq, where Al Qaeda-aligned insurgents effectively toppled the country's second-largest city, is fueling concerns in Washington that security is rapidly deteriorating a little over two years since US troops left the country.

Hillary's double vision

Video thanks to ECS


Dim Crims: Weed smoker takes pot shots at moon

A marijuana smoker was arrested in Arizona after shooting at the moon with a handgun and wrestling with officers who were called by his girlfriend to subdue him, authorities said.
Police went to a home in Prescott Valley, about 85 miles north of Phoenix, where the woman told them her partner had fired several shots into the air after telling her and her teenage son he had seen Halley's Comet.
Prescott Valley police spokesman Sergeant Brandon Bonney said Cameron Read, 39, was arrested after a struggle and admitted firing multiple times and "trying to shoot the moon."
Bonney said Read also confessed to smoking marijuana before the incident, and told officers he had not wanted to hurt anyone.


Obama asleep at the wheel as ISIS sweeps toward Baghdad

The Obama administration's miscalculation of the threat posed by Al Qaeda-aligned militants in Iraq drew severe criticism Thursday from top Republican lawmakers, who accused President Obama and his national security team of "taking a nap," warning "the next 9/11 is in the making." Amid criticism from lawmakers, the White House appeared to open the door to the possibility of U.S. airstrikes, but stressed that sending American ground troops is not an option.

Biden: Fool on the Hill [damning video]

Fewer postings --the reason

Laughing Conservative regrets the current reduction in posts, which is due to a family wedding -- not a meltdown caused by  the current whirlwind of chickens coming home to roost at the White House.


Cartoon: Gary Varvel

[Cagle Cartoons]

You could you be jailed for 'hurting your child's feelings'

 America’s progressives have been taking many cues from across the Atlantic. A new law that is being touted by progressives in the U.K. is supposedly designed to protect the emotional, physical, intellectual, social, and behavioral development of children. Therefore, if an adult is found in any way to be neglecting these categories of childhood development, they could be tried for child abuse and sentenced to up to 10 years in jail.  It would put a de facto freeze on virtually all forms of child discipline, including time-outs, restrictions, and loss of privileges.
For example, if you believe in firm disciplinary measures that happen to hurt your child’s feelings, then you run the risk of being labeled an “abuser” because you have “damaged” your child’s emotional well-being. [Source]


Anarchy! Obama lawlessness threatens to transform America

A mass movement of immigrants threatens to transform the nation.
Children are walking hundreds of miles across a hostile environment with little more than the clothes on their backs, accompanied by neither a parent nor other responsible adult. The numbers of these children making the treacherous journey are much higher than the Obama administration has acknowledged, according to reporting by Stephen Dinan of The Washington Times. The deputy Border Patrol chief, Ronald Vitiello, said in an internal memo on May 30 that border agents caught 40,000 unaccompanied children last year. They expect to apprehend 90,000 children this year, and 142,000 in 2015. [Source]


Barack Obama's Diary: Too much, too soon and no video to blame it on

Dear Diary: Auauugh! Events are moving too fast even for my massive intellect to anticipate.  Coffee fungus, other crop failures, and rumors of American largess, born of  starvation and desperation,  have caused thousands to flee Central  America - many even casting their children  to the winds, knowing that ultimately we won't allow kids to starve. And, for me, there is always the happy prospect that one day they will make loyal little Democrats. But enough about me...


Bibi boils over as Obama boosts Hamas

Israel's Labor Party Chairman Isaac Herzog let the cat fully out of the bag Friday night, charging that Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu “loathes” President Obama, according to The Times of Israel.
It’s been pretty clear that the two are not best of pals. But the suggestion by a fellow Israeli leader that the enmity goes very deep, adds credibility to suspicions that the relationship is worse than the White House portrays, writes Keith Koffler in his White House Dossier.
According to the Israeli newspaper, Netanyahu is said to be outraged by the recent U.S. announcement that it would maintain relations with the interim Palestinian unity government – and keep providing it funds – even though it includes Hamas, recognized the United States as a terrorist organization.
Netanyahu, had asked Washington not to rush into recognizing the technocratic government, which is backed by two key Palestinian factions, Fatah and the Islamist group Hamas. He said on Tuesday he was “deeply troubled” by the decision.
Other ministers allied with Netanyahu described the announcement by US state department spokeswoman Jen Psaki that the US “will work with this government” in far harsher terms. “Unfortunately, American naivety has broken all records. Any collaboration with Hamas – which kills women and children – is unacceptable,” said the communications minister, Gilad Erdan, who is considered close to Netanyahu.
Of course, the Israelis are most concerned that Obama is on his way to laying the groundwork for an Iranian nuclear weapon. I think that’s what Erdan is talking about when he describes American “naivety.”  [Source]

Savages: Passers-by loot groceries from death wreck

On Fondren Road near Dumfries Drive in southwest Houston, Texas, a young mother driving a Toyota 4-Runner with her 4 and 6-year-old sons, collided with another car, then crashed into a tree.
The 23-year-old woman was killed instantly.
Her two boys were wearing seat belts but were not in car seats. They sustained non life-threatening injuries and were rushed to a hospital. The driver of the other car, a Mercedes, was not injured.
What happened next is a sign of the unraveling of America.
Before first responders arrived — ignoring the dead woman and her two young children — passers-by looted the car of the groceries that the woman had just purchased.  [Source]


Vlad Putin's Journal: Obamahaha at Omaha

Tovariches:  I cornered Obamavich at the 70th anniversary of D-Day today. I went into attack mode immediately but he was too busy chewing gum and trying to look nonchalant to have prepared countermeasures.  I shook hands the old KGB way, pressing my right thumb joint into the main bone of his right thumb.  His face became grey with pain as he struggled to work his thumb free. "Bow before me,  Ilych Obamavich," I hissed, "or I will kill you, then  pickle you, and display you  in the Red Square mausoleum that once held the corpse of Lenin." The wuss then made a reluctant, ambivalent little bow to me. Mother Russia  had won again! Lack of space  in this journal, as well as decent cossack modesty preclude me from gloating any longer over the shame of my enemy. Meanwhile, comrades, I'll see you again soon.  До свидания!

D-Day:Obama's 21-gum salute

Obama offers to swap remaining Gitmo detainees for Slenderman

Laughing Conservative has been unable to confirm the rumor that President Obama-- worried by the deteriorating  health of  American girls exposed to Slenderman  [who reportedly inspired two 12-year-old girls  to stab their friend]-- has offered to exchange all remaining Gitmo detainees for the elusive Internet villain. 

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]


Dumb Slebs: Mean words 'hurt water's feelings''

Gwyneth Paltrow has descended to a new level of idiocy among celebrities: "“I am fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter,” she wrote on her website GOOP. “I have long had Dr Emoto's coffee table book on how negativity changes the structure of water, how the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it.”   [ECS]


Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

The Journal of Vladimir Putin

Tovariches : I have reached the conclusion that in order to keep the record straight about  my time in office, I need to leave a daily journal record to ensure that history sees me correctly in the surreal context of the blunderings of B.Obamavich. What a naive moron Obamavich is! For example, how could he not have paused, for just a moment,  to question the wisdom of appearing on network news  with Bergdahl's father, who looks like the jihadist shitbag some say he is, complete with unkempt beard and  speaking  Pashto like a native. You would think that Obamavich's advisers  like Valerie Jarrett or even Joe Biden would  have  cautioned him not to  crow about his brilliance in winning one man's release in exchange for five of the most dangerous men at Guantanamo Bay. It does makes my life much easier, competing with this moron who has the dazzling strategic skills of  a piroshki. But I must confess to feeling somewhat  bored.  It's like playing chess with a 4-year-old.   Diplomacy 101 suggests the next move for Obamavich is to keep Bergdahl out of site at the US base at Landstuhl in Germany, court martial him there and lock the little weasel in the brig and 'disappear' him when America's attention is focussed on Obamavich's next act of gross incompetence, which will come soon enough.  Space dictates that I  now  bid you  all farewell:  До свидания!  

More accuse Bergdahl of desertion

Former U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Justin Gerleve who was  Bowe Bergdahl’s squad leader has come forward just as the others have and confirms that Bergdahl was a deserter. He also confirms that the attacks from the Taliban got more accurate in the days after Bergdahl’s desertion.  Like the rest, he believes Bergdahl needs to pay for his crimes and absolutely does not deserve a hero’s welcome. Hailey, Idaho, hometown of U.S. Army Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl has canceled a rally planned for later this month celebrating his release, a municipal official told Reuters on Wednesday.  [Source]

Dim Crims: Girl attacks boy for laughing at her during school bus sex

A female high school student pleaded guilty  today to striking a younger pupil who began to laugh  while she was having sex in the back of a Pennsylvania school bus.
The incident was described in a succinct report from Pennsylvania State Police trooper Brad Jordan: “Both the victim and the accused were riding school bus. The accused expelled wind from the vulva during coitus while at the back of the bus.”The victim, Jordan noted, “began to laugh and chuckled at the accused for her actions.” At that point, “the accused approached the victim and elbowed him in the testicles.” [Source]

Americans 'outraged by VA scandal, blame Obama'

An overwhelming number of Americans are outraged by the Veterans Affairs scandal, with many of them believing that President Barack Obama is clearly or partially to blame for the crisis, a new poll reveals.
The Washington Post-ABC News poll found that 97 percent of Americans described the falsified wait times and the long treatment delays for veterans as a serious problem, while 82 percent called it "very serious."
Asked whether they thought that Obama was "personally responsible" for the VA scandal, 19 percent said he deserved a "great deal" of the blame, while another 19 percent said he was a "good deal" to blame.
A further 41 percent said he was "just some" to blame, adding up to 79 percent of respondents who thought that the president is in some way responsible for the embattled department’s problems.
The poll also found that 65 percent of Americans believe that VA Secretary Eric Shinseki was "right to resign" in the wake of the ongoing investigation. Twenty-two percent felt he should have kept his job.


Cartoon: Nate Beeler

[The Columbus Dispatch]

Barack Obama's Diary: I am the captain of your soul

 Dear Diary: Florida senator Marco Rubio has become a burr under my saddle.  Today he had the temerity to say this about me:  “Obama believes somehow that he’s become a monarch or an emperor, that can basically ignore the law and do whatever he wants."
So? Wake up, wetback. What's changed?  I invaded Libya without approval from you or any other of my serfs.  That's the fate of people like you. To be ignored. Once a peasant, always a peasant. But enough about me.


Barack Obama's Diary: Pole position

Dear Diary: Things were getting a little heated back in the USA, with some of my impertinent subjects daring to question  my judgment in exchanging five Taliban leaders for one  US soldier, who was said by some of his comrades-in-arms to have deserted his post. I don't understand the strange motivations and loyalties of troops in the battlefield. If I were in that man's situation I would simply try to contact the enemy and offer my services to make their attacks more effective. Enlightened self-interest, we liberals call it.
So my scheduled trip to Poland has come at a most opportune time. I told that  the curiously-named  Prime minister, Donald Tusk, who, I am told is intent on expanding Poland's coal industry  to reduce Putin's energy leverage.  Idiot... he will offset all my commands cutting carbon emissions back home. However I am ready to listen attentively to him on the subject of Polish sausages, since I doubt whether he will have anything useful to say about Russia and Eastern Europe. But enough about me.

Cartoon: Stilton Jarlsberg

Cartoon: Nate Beeler

[The Columbus Dispatch]


Bowe Bergdahl: From hero to zero

When word first came out of the exchange of five top Muslim terrorists for Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, it seemed we could attribute the debacle to the usual poor judgment of a conspicuously unqualified president... But as more information comes to light, it is starting to smell like something even worse, says the blog Moonbattery.
"Bergdahl was not a legitimate prisoner of war. He is a deserter who went AWOL and turned up among a band of terrorists. He has been described by a company commander as a “dirtbag” and a “sympathizer” (with the terrorist enemy) Moonbattery alleges.
Bergdahl evidently converted to Islam, the blog says, and was teaching the Taliban bomb-making skills with which to kill Americans."  [Read it all]        [RK]

CNN reports: "Pride in the Administration at the release of Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl is not shared by many of those who served with him -- veterans and soldiers who call him a deserter whose "selfish act" ended up costing the lives of better men.
"I was pissed off then and I am even more so now with everything going on," said former Sergeant Matt Vierkant, a member of Bergdahl's platoon when he went missing on June 30, 2009. "Bowe Bergdahl deserted during a time of war and his fellow Americans lost their lives searching for him."
Vierkant said Bergdahl needs to not only acknowledge his actions publicly but face a military trial for desertion under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. [More]        [BJS]

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Cartoon: Eric Allie