MSNBC is in deep doo-doo

It's unseemly to gloat.  But this is about the imminent demise of MSNBC--  an event which we shall not greet with tears and gnashing of teeth. The liberal channel rose to prominence on its criticism of George W. Bush, peaked during Barack Obama's historic 2008 campaign, and, by criticizing Republicans and championing liberal causes, sustained its viewership in the years that followed.  Until now. MSNBC suffered harder loses in 2013 -- in terms of both viewership and revenue -- than either of its competitors at Fox News and CNN, according to Nielsen data featured in a new Pew Research report. Prime-time viewership declined by a staggering 24 percent (nearly twice the loss sustained by CNN and four-times that sustained by Fox News). Daytime viewership fell by 15 percent, even as it rose at both of the other networks. [Source]

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack, H.

3/30/14:  Patient is back in D.C. after a fascinating telephone experiment in which I used two pre-planted words to reactivate a hypnotic trance to calm his extreme anxiety. It appears to have worked well, with patient having no recollection of the flight home.

Yaakov Kirschen: the view from Israel

[Cagle Cartoons]


Barack Obama's Diary: Sleepless in Saudi Arabia

Dear Diary: Seldom have I been so scared. I had a vivid dream last night while sleeping in Saudi Arabia: I had been condemned to death by stoning. Despite bowing in my  most obsequious way to King Abdullah, in my dream, he refused to intercede. I had no alternative but to place a call to Dr Rink in D.C. and beg for help with my extreme anxiety. He had implanted  key words in my memory the last time he placed me under hypnosis, so that he could reactivate my trance at will.  The moment I boarded Air Force One for the flight home, I found Dr. S.H. Rink in my iPresidentophone contact list. The phone connects to the plane's wi-fi and conversations are automatically encrypted. I was quickly put through to the Good Doctor and explained my plight. "Sit down and fasten your seatbelt, he said. "Are you sitting comfortably?"
"Yes, Doctor," I replied.
"OK... Nancy Pelosi! He said in a commanding voice.
" Auggh! I replied. "She's not here, dude." Strange: That's the last moment I recall before arriving  back at Joint Base Andrews. But enough about me.

Cartoon: Gary McCoy

[Cagle Cartoons]

Breaking: Scary clown was NOT Joe Biden

 The clown spotted on Staten Island in recent days was the work of a horror movie production company; and was not Vice President Joe Biden having a meltdown,  Laughing Conservative can confirm. Fuzz on the Lens Productions admitted to being behind the creepy clown. 

ObamaCare Games


Shameless Jarrett shills for ObamaCare in Tinseltown

Valerie Jarrett, top advisor to President Barack Obama, is in LA trying to get Obamacare written into scripts of TV shows and movies. Jarrett explained in an appearance on Top That! on PopSugar.com:"That's the cool thing," a host said. "You've been reaching out to people that are, you know, outside of the norm of what the president might work with. Who else are you working with? Like celebrities, personalities, things like that?"
"You name it," said Jarrett. "That's part of why I'm in L.A." [Source]             [ECS]

Obama neuters Navy

Two more weapons systems, including the Navy's premier attack missile, have been targeted for elimination by the administration years before their usefulness ends or replacements are ready.
How ironic that Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Barack Obama used the Tomahawk missile he now seeks to scrap as his weapon of choice when he launched Operation Odyssey Dawn and fired 112 Tomahawks at Libyan targets to enforce a U.N.-backed no fly-zone in support of Libyan rebels fighting Moammar Gadhafi.Future presidents will not be able to carry such a big stick. Along with the Hellfire air-to-ground attack missile, the Tomahawk is considered by the administration to be one of those Cold War weapons no longer needed.


A 12-year-old argues for the right to life

Dim Crims: Man burns down house to impress woman

Police say a North Dakota man burned down a farmhouse ... to impress a lady. It was a very strange chain of events that ultimately led to this discovery, which got Fredrick Bohjanen Jr. charged with arson and other felonies last week. From the Park Rapids Enterprise:
"Police responded to a call about a stolen tractor battery on October 8, one of several similar incidents reported in the area over the course of a few days. The owner of the tractor said he saw Bohjanen loading batteries into a truck with his father.
According to Bohjanen's father, his son said he'd been given the batteries; he was planning to sell them to get some of his money back after bailing Bohjanen out of jail.
Nine of the batteries matched the description of stolen ones, so police got a search warrant for a home belonging to a second man—Daniel Hengst—and found an alleged marijuana grow operation.
Amanda Hengst, who had lived at the house, told police Daniel Hengst and Bohjanen had recently started growing marijuana, and that they were also in possession of the stolen batteries."   [Source]   [BJS]


Condoleezza: 'leaders can't afford to be weary'

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice accused Barack Obama of dramatically weakening the United States' position in the world, drawing a straight line between Obama’s ever-yielding foreign policy and the increasing troubles around the world.
“Right now, there’s a vacuum,” she told a crowd of more than two thousand attending the National Republican Congressional Committee’s annual dinner last night in Washington, D.C. “There’s a vacuum because we’ve decided to lower our voice. We’ve decided to step back. We’ve decided that if we step back and lower our voice, others will lead, other things will fill that vacuum.” Citing Bashar al Assad’s slaughter in Syria, Vladimir Putin’s aggression in Ukraine, al Qaeda’s triumphant return to Fallujah, Iraq, and China’s nationalist fervor, she concluded: “When America steps back and there is a vacuum, trouble will fill that vacuum.”
Rice – measured in tone, but very tough on substance – excoriated Obama administration policies without ever mentioning the president by name. She mocked the na├»ve hope that “international norms” would fill the vacuum left by U.S. retreat and blasted the president for hiding behind the weariness of the public.
“I fully understand the sense of weariness. I fully understand that we must think: ‘Us, again?’ I know that we’ve been through two wars. I know that we’ve been vigilant against terrorism. I know that it’s hard. But leaders can’t afford to get tired. Leaders can’t afford to be weary.”

'Obama hostile to Christianity'

"We’ve seen throughout Obama’s term in office that the president doesn’t think very highly of the Christian faith, especially those who have traditional moral views.
Catholics and conservative evangelicals have been targeted for practicing their faith in the public square, as exemplified by the various lawsuits brought against the administration’s actions by Catholic universities, charities and other organizations, and businesses like Hobby Lobby run by Christian owners.  This hostility towards religion has drawn criticism from the Vatican.  Cardinal Raymond Burke, the head of the highest court of the Vatican, went so far as to say that Obama is waging war on “Christian civilization” by violating religious liberty." [Source]

Barack Obama's Diary: I confess

Dear Diary: I met the Pope today. I like to keep such meetings informal. "Hi, Frankie," I said, "Wassup  dude?" He  nodded silently then ushered me into a little structure with a grill separating two compartments. I sat in one compartment, he in the other. "My child," he said solemnly, you have sinned grievously against the Church and you must confess your sins to me, to obtain absolution. "What sins, Holy Dude?" I asked him, puzzled. "They are too numerous to list, my child. You must search your own conscience for examples. But you could start with forcing faithful Catholics to pay for birth control for their employees."
"Holy Dude, do I have to perform some sort of penance?" I asked. "No, my child," said the Pope, "Having to work with Joseph Biden and Nancy Pelosi is penance enough for any person. Just don't impede the Church's teachings any longer. Go forth, my child, and sin no more." But enough about me.

Dem gun control campaigner on arms traffic charge

Our Alaska contibutor TG is incensed by the alleged hypocrisy of  State Sen. Leland Yee, a gun control advocate who has been charged with conspiring to traffic in firearms and public
corruption as part of a major FBI operation. Lee and an intermediary allegedly met repeatedly
with an undercover FBI agent, soliciting campaign contributions in
exchange for setting up a deal with international arms dealers. At
their first face-to-face meeting in January, "Senator Yee explained he
has known the arms dealer for a number of years and has developed a
close relationship with him," an FBI affidavit says, noting Yee told the
agent the arms dealer "has things that you guys want."Yee,
D-San Francisco, highlights a series of arrests Wednesday morning that
included infamous Chinatown gangster Raymond "Shrimp Boy" Chow, whose
past includes a variety of charges including racketeering and drug
crimes. Targets of the early-morning raids appeared in federal court in
San Francisco on Wednesday afternoon.A 137-page criminal
complaint charges 26 people -- including Yee and Chow -- with a panoply
of crimes, including firearms trafficking, money laundering,
murder-for-hire, drug distribution, trafficking in contraband
cigarettes, and honest services fraud.Yee is charged with
conspiracy to traffic in firearms without a license and to illegally
import firearms, as well as six counts of scheming to defraud citizens
of honest services. Each corruption count is punishable by up to 20
years in federal prison and a fine of up to $250,000, while the
gun-trafficking count is punishable by up to five years and $250,000.The
charges are particularly shocking given that Yee has been among the
state Senate's most outspoken advocates both of gun control and of
good-government initiatives."It seems like nobody knew this was
coming, and everyone is astounded by the allegations," said Corey Cook,
director of the University of San Francisco's Leo T. McCarthy Center for
Public Service and the Common Good. "I'm just astonished... Political
corruption is one thing, but this is a whole other level." [Source]


Incredible: Obama gives free military technology to Russia

The U.S. government is giving Russia free military equipment even after President Obama announced punitive sanctions against Moscow and, more importantly, a suspension in military engagement over the invasion and occupation of Ukraine.
The secret operation was exposed this week by members of Congress who discovered it in the process of reviewing the Fiscal Year 2014 budget and the proposed Fiscal Year 2015 budget request. It turns out that the National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA) has been providing the Russian Federation with the Multiple Integrated Laser Engagement System (MILES), the federal legislators say. The U.S. military uses MILES for tactical force-on-force training because it has a system of lasers and dummy ammunition to simulate ground combat.
It’s a crucial, military-grade technology that’s similar to a “laser tag” available in some commercial markets, according to one of the outraged lawmakers (Oklahoma Republican Jim Bridenstine) who helped uncover the scandal. Bridenstine, a member of the House Armed Services Committee, has joined forces with Ohio Republican Mike Turner, Chairman of the House Subcommittee on Tactical Air and Land Forces, to demand an end to the program. Along with about a dozen other House colleagues they penned a letter to Energy Secretary Ernest Moniz, who oversees the agency carrying out the “irresponsible military equipment transfers” to Russia.
The Obama administration’s planned supply to the Russian Federation is a grave mistake given the recent invasion of Ukraine launched by Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin, the legislators point out. “It is difficult to imagine a worse time to provide military-grade technology employed by the U.S. Marine Corps, Army, and Special Operations Forces to Russia than when it has illegally invaded Ukraine and is violating the intermediate-range Nuclear Forces (INF) treaty,” the letter to Moniz says. “To make matters worse, it is our understanding from the budget documents that the Department has been, and continues to propose, providing this technology to Russia free-of-charge.”  [Source]

The Diary of Barack Obama:

I had just laid a  laying a wreath in a Belgian cemetery to commemorate the dead of World War One  when my iPresidentophone emitted a rousing  chorus from Song of the Volga Boatmen,  by Leonid Kharitonov and the Red Army Choir "Vladimir!" I greeted the caller, for it was he."What's up Dude?"
"Awesome day,  Obamavich. My popularity among the Russian people has never been, like higher.  I see  and that according to a new poll that you have never been more unpopular among Americans."
"Just you wait. Vladimir Putin,"  I said dimissively, "just you wait."
"Whacha gonna do?" asked Putin,  "Ban the export of Hula hoops to Russia? You've been hitting the Hawaiian pakalolo too hard, Obamavich. We're running rings around you."

Obama plunges in poll

Negative views of President Obama have hit a new high, according to a poll.
The AP-GfK poll shows 59 percent of Americans now disapprove of Obama -- a point higher than the previous high set in December.
Obama's approval rating stands at 41 percent. That's the second-lowest figure the poll has ever found.
Part of Obama's problems appear to be related to foreign policy: The poll shows Americans disapprove of his handling of the situation in Ukraine 57-40 and disapprove of how he handles relationships with other countries 58-40.  [Source]

City mayor arrested in corruption sting

The mayor of Charlotte, N.C. -- the state's largest city and the site of the 2012 Democratic National Convention -- was arrested Wednesday on public corruption charges and accused of taking bribes after an FBI sting.  Charlotte Mayor Patrick Cannon, a 47-year-old Democrat, is facing theft and bribery charges, U.S. Attorney Anne Tompkins said. Cannon is accused of soliciting and accepting bribes from undercover FBI agents posing as real estate developers who wanted to do business in Charlotte.  [Source]

Repeal ObamaCare? We can, says campaigning Cruz

Dim Crims: Deja vue all over again

Christopher Miller robbed the Stride Rite shoe store in Toms River, NJ, in 1999, and served 15 years for it in state prison. Police say he became a free man on Friday and celebrated by catching a bus to Toms River and robbing the same store, reports The Star-Ledger. Though he had 15 years to stew over what went wrong the first time, authorities say this robbery didn't go so well, either. Two employees were so slow in handing over cash that the "agitated" Miller grabbed the register drawer himself and fled on foot.  Within minutes, a police K-9 unit tracked  him down and recovered the stolen $389 [Source.]     

'Obama greatest threat to free Press in a generation'

"The case of journalist James Risen is the one that could end the free press as we know it and it could result in a law that will shut down bloggers and citizen journalists," writes Sara Noble.
"James Risen is a foreign policy reporter who is... in a fierce battle with the U.S. government over his refusal to give up the identity of an anonymous CIA source and to testify at the trial on former CIA officer, Jeffrey Sterling who is accused of leaking information to him. Risen says that Obama is “the greatest enemy of press freedom that we have encountered in at least a generation.”
Because of the Risen case, the government is considering a Shield law that could affect all bloggers by defining the term “journalist” and it will have the effect of protecting only those who fall under that definition. They could be easily sued or worse.
Some believe that the federal Shield law being considered would undermine the government’s ability to investigate leaks. Others say it has too many carve outs for the government. Sens. Dianne Feinstein and Dick Durbin wanted to define who is a journalist and under what conditions the term applies.
They want to narrow the definition of a journalist. They say it is because they want to protect those who write for free, but in effect, they would be offering protections only for those who fit their narrow definition, putting bloggers and citizen journalists at risk by not falling under the definition of a “journalist.” It could shut down blogs and everyone’s right to speak freely.
Of course, if James Risen is not protected under the First Amendment, bloggers will also not be protected. [Source]


Cartoon: Nate Beeler

 [Columbus Daily Dispatch]

Pawn thinks he's king

From Aftermath

Africa, the last frontier

A Zimbabwean couple are in their hut, no food, no electricity, no water, no election results. They are merely waiting to die. Suddenly the lights come on and the water starts running.
The husband shouts to his wife, "Quick! Bring my AK, the whites are back."  [BH]

Dim Slebs: Ex-heartthrob sentenced for DUI

A judge has sentenced 1970s celebrity David Cassidy
(left) to three months in rehab and five years of  probation in a drunken driving case.  Cassidy’s attorney entered an open plea to a Los Angeles judge admitting that the former teen hearthrob was driving under the influence when he was arrested after making an illegal turn.   He said Cassidy has been in rehab and will remain for longer than his sentence requires. More here.

Can college students name one senator?

Bam invites Obamageddon

“Russia doesn't pose the number-one national security threat to the United States,”  Barack Obama told a joint press conference with Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte at the close of the Nuclear Security Summit at The Hague. “I continue to be much more concerned when it comes to our security with the prospect of a nuclear weapon going off in Manhattan.”
Clearly it has not occurred to our most prized diplomat that belittling Vladimir Putin may be  the quickest route to just such an event.

White House beclownment complete

In what could be the tweet heard around the world, Internet icon Matt Drudge tweeted at 11:09 a.m. Friday:
"Just paid the ObamaCare penalty for not 'getting covered' ... I'M CALLING IT A LIBERTY TAX!"
A mere 22 minutes later, White House spokesman Jesse Lee tweeted: "Flat lie, no fee for previous year."
Lee's tweet shows just how little the White House knows about business, particularly small business, and the self-employed individuals such as Matt Drudge who file as small businesses and who each year must not only settle up for the prior year by mid-April but must also pay their first-quarter estimated taxes for the current year.
The Obama administration's media sycophants were no better informed, with The Washington Post's Greg Sargent blogging by midafternoon:
"Matt Drudge proudly tells the world he paid the penalty for not having health coverage, which he has termed the 'liberty tax.' Which is odd, because no one has to pay the penalty until they file their 2014 tax returns in April 2015." [Source]


U.S. can't get no respect, says Trump

The standing of the United States in the world is the worst since its founding, billionaire Donald Trump said Monday. The country is "in a state that we probably haven't been in for, maybe, since the founding of the country. It's very sad," Trump told Fox & Friends.
The crisis in Ukraine, China's recent devaluation of its currency, and Russia's involvement in Iran and Syria were contributing factors to the United States being "scoffed at and thrown around," Trump said.
"Things are happening with us that are unbelievable. We're just not a respected country any more."
Trump predicted that Russian President Vladimir Putin would not be fazed by sanctions imposed on Russia for its takeover of Crimea. He said Russia also was in control in Iran and Syria and "virtually every other place."
The people of Russia "are in love with" Putin and thought he was "like a god," Trump said, and described his popularity as "through the roof." By contrast, he said Obama's poll numbers "are at a record low."  [Source]

Dim Crims: 'Drunk driver wore his jeans as a shirt'

An intoxicated Indianapolis man found passed out in the driver’s seat of his car was in his underwear, had on one sock, and was wearing his pants like a shirt, Metropolitan Police report.
Bryan Hill, 24, was behind the wheel of a Honda when police found the vehicle blocking traffic. According to police, Hill was “wearing only a t-shirt, underwear and one sock.” An officer added that Hill “did have pants on, but they were on his arms. Both arms were inserted into the legs of his jeans.”  Hill was arrested around 4 AM Sunday for public intoxication and obstructing traffic. [Source]

Barack Obama's Diary: Going Dutch

Dear Diary: I am more than a little confused.  I had smoked a generous amount of  Pakalolo on Sunday night, which is what common Hawaiians call weed. [Choom is a word used by the 1%] I was going to bed  early when Valerie Jarrett reminded me that I was taking a trip to Neverland the next morning and that Marv Nicholson would wake me in good time. And so it came to pass, with one exception: It turned out that I was not going to Neverland but  to the Netherlands. On Air Force One there was a State Department honcho waiting to brief me on the World Forum on nuclear security. Oh Lord, I thought, Putin is going to be there. But no, apparently Putin was sending his foreign minister. On arrival I was whisked away to a  museum [which I can't spell] to see some enormous paintings of folks in, like, old-fashioned clothes with swords, mostly by some old, like, white guy named Rembrandt. Boring. But enough about me.

Cartoon: Stilton Jarlsberg


Nate Silver has terrible news for Democrats

Nate Silver, the statistician who is almost never wrong, has some grim news for Democrats. Find out more here.

Gun-shaped cloud shuts school

[Source]       [ECS]

Dim Crims: Sleepless in Oklahoma

Midwest City, Oklahoma, police say a man they arrested for trying to rob IBC Bank told them he  had been awake for four days using methamphetamine. According to court documents, Christopher Fulton entered the bank and handed the teller a personal check with the personal information scribbled out and a note written on it which read "You know what to do or we all die, I will shoot you first $500 $100 $50 $20 $10". Police say Fulton thought the bank had triggered the hold up alarm and ran out, climbed into a black sports car and left the scene. The next day, the FBI contacted Midwest City Police and said Fulton was confessing to the crime. He saw the robbery suspect's picture in the newspaper and it looked like him. Police say he told them he thought it was his body in the bank, but not his mind.
Fulton told police he stole the check from his mother. He also said a friend owed someone $1,400 for two ounces of methamphetamine and that his girlfriend influenced him to commit the crime. According to Fulton, the plan was to rob the bank to get the money to pay back the debt. [Source]  [BJS]

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: Obama, Barack H.

March 22: Valerie Jarrett called me, saying that she had heard from the White House kitchen that Patient had gone off the dietary rails while Michelle and her mother were in China with the girls. He was apparently eating huge steaks, French fries with ketchup and tubs of  Haagen Dazs icecream. I visited patient in his private apartment, re-activated his hypnotic trance and strongly suggested that he control his appetite before Michelle returns from Beijing, questions the chefs about his meals and all hell breaks loose. ---Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.


Barack Obama's Diary: Let the games continue

Dear Diary:  While the cat's away the mice will play. In this case the cat was Michelle in China and  I was the mouse playing a round of golf  at Joint Base Andrews, with trip director Marv Nicholson, his brother Walter, and White House advance man Luke Rosa. They very sensibly made it an easy 'victory' for me. Then it was back into the  belly of The Beast for a brief journey home, a spliff of Blueberry Yum Yum, a giant steak, fries, ketchup and a pint of Haagen Dazs.  I followed this with an episode of the National Geographic channel's 's Alaska State Troopers. Alaska is a state somewhere near Canada where there are moose, bear,  tree-fellers and snowmobiles. Marv records the show on my DVR. But enough about me.

Obama don't get no respect

"Respect, of course, is critical to leadership. Sure a few jokes here and a few jokes there can be really funny and late night TV makes fun of all presidents," writes Greta van Susteren. "But it's not just late night TV. A Washington Post editorial recently said the president's foreign policy is based on fantasy. Now, fantasy could not be a worse description or more demeaning. And, liberal magazine The New Yorker published a satirical piece poorly timed for the president with the headline, 'U.S. Freezes Putin's Netflix account.'  In other words, President Obama's sanctions are a joke. And overseas, a top Russian official laughed off President Obama's sanctions, calling him a prankster, and I'm sure you know prankster is not the Russian word for respect..."

Rand Paul: Intriguing to some, scary to others

Ruth Marcus of The Washington Post writes:
Rand Paul is the most intriguing — and for Democrats, perhaps the most frightening — figure in today’s Republican Party. The Kentucky senator, who is more than flirting with a 2016 presidential run, is making a smart play for the millennial generation that was key to President Obama’s twin victories and that his own party has convincingly repelled. Paul’s unlikely pilgrimage to the progressive precincts of the University of California at Berkeley offered the most convincing evidence so far that he is serious about carving out this.. third way space — and a demonstration of his potential appeal to this lost demographic, more attuned to personality than party
 Watch the video of Paul at Berkeley the other day, and you think: This guy doesn’t even look like a Republican, with his jeans and cowboy boots, his tie-but-no-jacket look, his mop-in-need-of-cutting coiffure. More important, listen to the substance, and it is difficult to detect much Republican in Paul’s remarks. Indeed, his cross-brand pitch was explicit, and exquisitely attuned to the you’re-not-the-boss-of-me ethos of the younger generation. “Now you may be a Republican or a Democrat or a Libertarian,” Paul began his speech. “I’m not here to tell you what to be.” [Read it all]


Cartoon: Stilton Jarlsberg

Cartoon: Nate Beeler

[The Columbus Dispatch]    ECS

Barack Obama's Diary: Michelle's away, so I can play

Dear Diary: It occurred to me  today that I have not yet taken full advantage of the family's absence in China.  So, after a dinner of steak, fries and a pint of chocolate Haagen Dazs, I repaired to the Oval Office. There I retrieved a fat spliff of Blueberry Yum Yum from the secret compartment in the Resolute Desk,  I like to use choom for second opinions about my life. l lit it up and inhaled deeply. First of all, my thoughts focussed on Vladimir Putin. Strange man, strange name. Puh, puh, Putin. Poo.tin. Pootin.  Vlad the Inhaler. Voldemort. Rah, Rah, RasPutin, lover of the Russian Queen. Munchies! I have a stack of Flamin' Hot Cheetos packets  hidden in the notorious Clinton closet, behind the kneepads. Where was I? Oh yes. Pootin. Yum, these Cheerios are goood. But enough about me.


Texas A&M Study Calls Obama 5th Best President in our history

Good research work by a fine institution:

From a total of 44 US Presidents: Obama is rated as the 5th best. The A&M's Public Relations Office released this statement "After only 5 years in office, Americans have rated President Obama the 5th best President ever."

These are the details according to Texas A&M:

1. Reagan & Lincoln tied for first,

2. Twenty three presidents tied for second,

3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third,

4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth, and

5. Obama came in fifth.

[Source]    [ECS]

Enough said...

This photograph of Barack Obama having his head examined was sent by our Alaska contributor TG, who can see Russia from where he lives.

Sharyl Attkisson opens website

Sharyl Attkisson,  a courageous, top-rank investigative journalist who has been a burr under the Obama Administration's saddle and who quit CBS this month over allegations of the network's liberal bias, has opened a website of her own  which we recommend bookmarking

Putin roasts Obama

[From Aftermath]

Cartoon: Eric Allie

[Cagle Cartoons]

Cops seek hit-and-trot Amish buggy

Pennsylvania police are hunting for the driver of an Amish buggy that was involved in a hit-and-trot accident Sunday evening.
According to state troopers, Michelle Cooper, 36, was driving her Honda CRV on a Mercer County road when an “unknown actor driving an Amish buggy” damaged the vehicle “by running into it twice.” The buggy was driven drove away from the scene” and was last spotted “near Orchard Road and #8 Rd. The left side of Cooper’s car was damaged by the buggy, but she was not injured. [Source]

Dim Crims: Police sniff out weed woman

Lauren A. Zeliniski, 30, was conducting personal business on the first floor of the Oneida County Office Building when Sheriff's Security Unit Sergeant Matthew J. Bauer noticed a strong odor of raw marijuana coming from Zelinski's handbag, the sheriff's office said. Deputies say they found three bags of marijuana and a quantity of cocaine. Zelinski was arraigned in the Village of New York Mills Court and released on $10,000 bail. [Source]      BJS


Barack Obama's Diary: Nearer, my Badgie, to thee

Dear Diary: Vlad Putin is ignoring my sternest warnings again. His troops have taken over the Crimean Naval Base.  Joe Biden and  I have been playing Good Cop, Bad Cop with Putin. Joe  who is in Poland, accused him of naked aggression. But I went so far as to promise publicly that the USA will not  carry out any military action against him. Meanwhile Ukraine is  now withdrawing its troops and their families from Crimea.  The result of this is an increase in my own anxiety. Fortunately Michelle, our kids and Mrs Robinson are all travelling to China. So I can have an early night and withdraw Badgie, my comfort blanket, from under the Presidential pillow and rub his soothing satin edge against my cheek while I suck  on two fingers and relax. Good night Moon.... Goodnight stars.... num, num, num, zzzzzzzzzzz...

Got ObamaCare, can't find doctors

Terri Durheim and her family now have health insurance, thanks to Obamacare. What they don't have are local doctors and hospitals who will take it.
This worries the Enid, Okla., resident since she has a teenage son with a serious heart condition. They now have to find a pediatric cardiologist in Oklahoma City, more than an hour away. More    [BJS]

AP anger as White House muzzles media

The Associated Press has stepped up its attack on White House efforts to block coverage of events involving President Obama, warning that once access is cut, “we'll never get it back.”
In the latest media charge that the White House has reneged on promises to be “transparent,” two of AP's White House staff told a convention in Denver this week that the president's team often bars coverage of Obama events because they are “hypersensitive” about his image.
 At the Newspaper Association of America's mediaXchange convention in Denver, AP White House photographer Charles Dharapak said that instead of letting reporters and photographers in at major news events, like the president's recent meeting with the Dalai Lama, it is issuing “visual press releases” on social media.  He suggested that in cutting reporters from events that have historically received coverage, the White House is limiting access to independent news organizations. "Once we lose access, we'll never get it back," he told convention participants. [Source]

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Missing airliner: A credible theory

A Canadian airline pilot has a simple, credible, explanation for the vanishing  of the Malaysian airliner. Full details here


Badgie saves my day

Dear Diary: Dr Rink's advice to me to revive use of Badgie my comfort blanke has worked extremely well. I slept like a hibernating bear last night and had a wonderful, liberating dream in which I took over the controls of Air Force One and joyfully "disappeared" for a week so that I was not required any longer to go head-to-head with that mean, bullying Vlad Putin over Ukraine. My hero, Neville Chamberlain made a perfectly sensible compromise with Adolf Hitler and promised "Peace for Our Time." It was not his fault that Hitler doublecrossed him and promptly invaded Poland. In my case, being a great strategist, I have prevented  Putin from doing this by sending Joe Biden to Poland. Joe's roars of fury will stop a squadron of T9 Russian tanks. But enough about me.Time now for my midday nap. I am taking Badgie from the secret compartment in the Resolute Desk, leaning back in my office chair  and rubbing my cheek with Badgie's satin edging and popping two fingers into my mouth....num... num..num...zz...zzz.

Michelle, mother, kids visit China this month

The first lady, her mother, her two kids, plus numerous White House aides and security personnel are going to tour China this month, but White House officials are refusing to say how much taxpayers will pay for the trip. However, they did say it would be a thrill for everyone on the trip, including for Michelle Obama’s top aide, Tina Tchen. “It is a real honor and privilege, and I think we are all, here in the first lady’s office, quite excited about the upcoming trip,” said Tchen, just after she declared that “my parents emigrated from China in the late ’40s, so this … will be my fourth time returning to China but the first time, obviously, in a role such as this.”  Read more: 

Michelle's pastry chef quits

White House executive pastry chef Bill Yosses is resigning, saying he does not want to demonize cream, eggs, butter and sugar.  Yosses is leaving the White House in June to work on a new project focusing on “food literacy” and The New York Times says Michelle is “partly to blame.” He was hired by Laura Bush in 2007 to make his trademark cookie plates and sugar sculptures. Mrs. Obama took over in 2009 and ordered Yosses to make healthier plates in smaller portions.
Source.   [ECS]

Dim Crims: McPeeper stuck under restroom partition

A Tennessee man who tried to crawl into an occupied stall in a McDonald’s women’s restroom was thwarted when he got stuck under the partition, according to cops who arrested him.  Police report that Jasmin Johnson was using the toilet inside the Memphis restaurant last Thursday afternoon when Ronald Henderson, 28, entered the bathroom and “crawled under… the stall.”Upon spotting Henderson, Johnson screamed at him to leave the restroom. But Henderson continued trying to breach the stall, grabbing at Johnson’s leg “until he got stuck,” according to a criminal complaint. Johnson was then able to escape the bathroom. [Source]     [BJS]

Cartoon: Michael Ramirez

[Investors Business Daily]

Your tax dollars in action

The federal government has given nearly $5 million to the University of Tennessee in support of its creepy healthy-eating campaign, which dresses students up as fruits and vegetables and films them terrorizing the residence halls. It’s called “Get Fruved.”
The campaign already has a website and YouTube account, where it has posted several “Get Fruved” videos. The videos feature college students disguised as various fruits and vegetables, such as grapes and carrots  In one video, the male student in the grape costume approaches a female student and says: “You’re looking grape today!” [Source]      [ECS]


Barack Obama's Diary: Badgie returns

Dear Diary: Those damned Russians are mocking me again. Putin is humiliating me by calling my retaliatory measures  against him 'a joke'  and he called me a "prankster."  How very dare he. Dr Rink recommended yesterday that I revive some of the old coping mechanisms  which I abandoned when Reggie Love left my employ. I was too  embarrassed to tell  my new trip  director, Marv Nicholson,  about Badgie, my comfort blanket. But Rink has spilled the beans to Marv who called Love  and they quickly located Badgie and his twin Badgie 2 under my custom-made Presidentopedic bed and in  a special compartment in my limo The Beast, stowed alongside the hand sanitizer I use to rid myself of pathogens acquired by touching the unwashed masses on my travels. Marv restored Badgie to his proper place under the Presidential pillow. Tonight, after Michelle had fallen asleep, I withdrew Badgie from his nest and rubbed his smoooooth satin edge against my cheek, popped two fingers into my mouth and num-num-zzz-zzzzz...

Academia nuts: Lock up climate change deniers, demands professor

A professor with Rochester Institute of Technology has called for the incarceration of any American who actively disagrees that climate change is solely caused by human activity.
Lawrence Torcello, a philosophy professor with a Ph.D. from the University at Buffalo, published the comments as part of an essay submitted to the academic website The Conversation.
Torcello argues that malignant individuals, who he does not identify, are collectively organising a “campaign funding misinformation” about climate change. Torcello goes on to suggest that such activity “ought to be considered criminally negligent.”

Why Dems are scared to death

"Obama's approval ratings will shape the midterms, and some Hill observers compare his crumpling numbers to an illness. The president didn't do the basic things to take care of himself, and now he's gone terminal and contagious," writes Maureen Dowd.
"...Due to the inability of the president and congressional Democrats to move their agenda through Congress, the president is having to govern through executive order and revising federal regulations.
Republicans have latched on to this to make the case around the country that Obama is a dictator and an imperial president. But governing through executive order isn't a sign of strength. It's a sign of weakness. And it's that weakness that has Democrats scared to death." [Read it all]

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack, H.

3/16/14  Patient has been very agitated about being accused of weakness in the face of aggression by Vladimir Putin. I suggested that he revive some of the old coping mechanisms that he told me about, like Badgie [sometimes called Boo-boo] his  comfort blanket. It's very worn now, but under hypnosis he once confessed that rubbing Badgie's  satin edging against one cheek while sucking two fingers  gave him  an ineffable reassurance. I was only when Marv Nicholson took over as his trip director and, unknowingly, did not place Badgie under patient's pillow on a trip to South Africa for Mandela's funeral, that forced patient go cold turkey into Badgie withdrawal. I have suggested that patient reactivate the habit as a harmless way of relieving tension and anxiety. I have had a word with Marv Nicholson to ensure Badgie One and patient's emergency Badgie Two are always at hand  on Air Force One and in The Beast [the Presidential Limo]  along with the container of hand sanitizer patient applies generously to himself after gripping the hands of  the common herd. ---Dictated by S.H.Rink, MD.


Barack Obama's Diary: Ra... Ra... RasPutin...

Dear Diary: I have  been stressed out by Putin making me look ineffectual and indecisive. This morning I decided it had gone too far and it was time for me to reassert myself. I took up my Power Position: iPresidentophone in one hand, one foot on the Resolute Desk. I entered my passcode and selected Vladimir Putin from the contact list. "Da.." came a distant voice. "Obamavich?...have you any idea what time it is here?" "No," I said. "And I didn't call to find out the time in Sevastopol. What I am calling about is your imminent annexation of Crimea. It cannot go ahead without severe economic consequences  from the European Union and the USA.
"Like what, Obamavich?"
"Well, we...we... we will stop buying ... Russian caviar."
"Boo hoo," Obamavich.  "That will only allow our sturgeon population to have  time recover and restore itself. That all you got, big boy?"
I heard a woman's voice in the background. "Vladimir...wherefore art thou, Vladimir?  Likely it was Dame Downton Maggie, his actress  girlfriend from the Royal Shakespeare Company. "Goodnight Obamavich," said  Putin. "I have more important things to attend to." There followed a satisfied female sigh. Enraged, I disconnected.

Cartoon: Daryl Cagle

[Cagle Cartoons]

Dim Crims: Man calls 911 on himself

A man who escaped from police custody  in DeSoto, Texas, is now in jail after calling 911 to complain his handcuffs were too tight. DeSoto Police say they handcuffed and arrested Dyonta Rose, 29, Saturday evening on drug charges when they found his backpack contained what appeared to be narcotics. Police say when the arresting officer left Rose alone, he escaped still wearing his handcuffs.
According to Dallas Police, later that evening Rose called 911 to ask for an ambulance and complained that the handcuffs were cutting off the circulation in his arm. Dallas Police responded to the call and DeSoto Police took custody of him again and booked him in jail. [Source]      BJS

An apt farewell for pompous Piers

Cartoon: Gary McCoy


Unintended consequences: The Disaster of DDT

Cartoon: Gary Varvel

[Cagle Cartoons]

Dim Crims: Suicide bomber kills only himself

 A suicide car bomber accidentally detonated his explosives near a popular hotel in the Somali capital and managed to kill only himself, say police. The bomber appeared to have prematurely detonated his explosives-laden car today as he tried to park near the Mogadishu hotel. No others were hurt or killed in the blast. The al-Qaeda-linked group al-Shabab frequently carries out attacks against the Somali government, the UN, and African Union peacekeepers. Last month, a suicide car bomber detonated his car at a teashop near Somalia's intelligence agency headquarters, killing at least 12 people. [Source]

Miss me yet?

[h/t Jennifer Rubin]

2014-- A Space Irony

When a Soyuz space capsule touched down in Kazakhstan this week with two Russians and American Astronaut Mike Hopkins aboard after 166 days in orbit on the International Space Station, a small irony was obvious. While they’d been floating around in a gravity-free model of international cooperation, their governments had been plunging toward a major confrontation over the future of Ukraine.
But the even greater irony evident out there in space is the extent to which America’s satellites—including the super-secret birds sent aloft by the National Reconnaissance Office—depend on Russian-built engines to get into orbit in the first place. [More]    [BJS]


Liar-in-Chief beclowns self again

Your tax dollars in action...

A south Louisiana lingerie store has posted a sign on its front door to indicate it accepts most credit cards, including the Food stamp (EBT) card.
Kiss My Lingerie, in Gonzales, sells adult specialty items. The store moved into the Magnolia Shopping Center on South Burnside Avenue a few years ago. However, accepting the EBT payment is began eight months ago, according to the owner.
A woman who works near the store and asked not to be identified said in the last few weeks, she’s noticed more people going inside the adult shop. She added that’s when she saw the message on the front door of the store that the EBT card is listed as an acceptable form of payment.
“We were told anything could be purchased there, with the food stamp card,” she said. “No child I know eats edible underwear.” [Source]

Russians flee Obama's LGBT army

The U.S. Air Force parachuted hundreds of gays into Crimea today. President Obama claimed victory over as thousands of  Russian  soldiers  dropped their weapons and fled in homophobic terror at the sight of gays landing in multiple waves and then neatly folding their taupe parachutes.

Minimum wage hike will kill jobs, warns Gates

Microsoft founder and philanthropist Bill Gates has some news that doesn’t bode well for Obama’s current, fascist push. With the president not only mandating a $10.10 minimum wage for federal contractors and pushing for that nationwide as well as forcing businesses to pay overtime pay to salaried employees earning under $50,000 per year, Gates has a warning that Obama will not like: Hiking the minimum wage will hasten automation. [More]


Your tax dollars in action

"...No federal agency can sell anything unless it's uncontaminated, asbestos-free and environmentally safe. Those are expensive fixes.
 Then the agency has to make sure another one doesn't want it. Then state and local governments get a crack at it, then nonprofits — and finally, a 25-year-old law requires the government to see whether it could be used as a homeless shelter.
Many agencies just lock the doors and say forget it...."  More           [BJS]


BH our Sydney Correspondent sends this: Tim Blair of The Sydney Telegraph writes: "Leftists love forming committees almost as much as they love spending your money. Even the least consequential leftist movement inevitably produces a hellspawn of useless committees devoted to various pointless missions. Occupy Sydney, for example, featured eight committees and 11 working groups – meaning they had more committees and groups than actual Occupants.
This weekend’s March in March demonstrations, being held now because there isn’t a month called Stupid Whiny Bitching, have also generated the usual number of committees and such. So far as I can tell, these protests are driven byleftist rage over the recent lack of asylum seeker deaths and the government’s failure to provide handouts for multinational businesses. Here’s a partial committee count
What started from very humble beginnings, almost as a thought bubble on Twitter, has grown to a large group of volunteers now being organised by a national administration committee …
This committee has the support, at each march location, of a sub-committee responsible for the organisation of their march …
The committee of six in Brisbane consists of a broad range of people who represent and understand the needs of many diverse community members …
The National Administration Committee has ensured that all the local committees have the appropriate permits and permissions in place. 
Well done, National Administrative Committee, sub-committees and committees of six. Still, they haven’t quite managed to quell the standard leftist impulse for infighting and backstabbing, probably because of not enough committees. Let’s help them out:
What committees should be added to the March in March?