Dear Diary: Dudes, I've been feeling some heat over the sequester, not least over closing the White House to tours of schoolkids. Having promised dire consequences if the sequester went ahead, I have to demonstrate some immediate effects. Janet Napolitano obediently produced immediate long lines at airport TSA checkpoints but that's business as usual. Michelle has stirred things up by announcing that she has invited Adele and Beyonce to sing at her 50th birthday bash, but that's next year ...otherwise it would have been, like, awkwaard for me to explain right now. But enough about me.