Barack Obama's Diary: Phony baloney

Dear Diary: I'm focusing like a laser on the economy. We would be booming as a nation now,  if those sorry Republicans didn't keep getting in my way with endless phony scandals. Well,  that's my story, dudes, and I'm sticking to it. Talking of scandals, as we are,  how about that Weiner guy, has he got chutzpa or has he got chutzpa?
In my address to Knox College in Illinois today, I said, modestly: "We’ve come a long way since I first took office. As a country, we’re older and we’re wiser... Just by virtue of our size and our natural resources and the talent of our people, America will remain a world power, and the majority of us will figure out how to get by." Michelle and I, of course, are among that majority, and we have already figured out how to get by: another couple books and a series of major speaking gigs and we'll be set up for life. But enough about me.