Barack Obama's Diary: I gotta go teepee

Dear Diary: I met with native leaders Wednesday morning and showed once again how brilliant I am at blending in with other cultures: "Me Big Chief  Obama, me bring you Affordable Care Act...  If you like your witchdoctor, you can keep your witchdoctor."  Much to my surprise, they let out a bloodcurdling howl and began  dancing around me, ululating, chanting and waving their tomahawks. One snarled at me: "Obama speak with forked tongue, you make us pay too much wampum," and he made as if to slit my throat.
 I said: "I gotta go teepee" and vanished into the men's room where my male Secret Service detail took up position each side of me at the urinals. But enough about me.