Progress Notes: Patient 540463, Obama Barack H.

12/18/13: Patient is looking haggard. He tearfully admitted that he has been banished from the marital bedroom for flirting with the Danish Prime Minister  and has been sleeping on a couch since returning from Mandela's memorial. I also suspect he has been indulging in a particularly potent variety of African weed called Durban Poison, because he seems to be permanently confused. He insists that the German Prime Minister whom he refers to as "Arugula" Merkel called and ripped him a new one for listening in on her private phone calls. By thew way, I have been asked by Valerie Jarrett to accompany Patient on his vacation in Hawaii and I  have accepted with alacrity because:
 1) With all those lunatic Congressmen out of town, business is always thin over the holidays, and
 2) I am increasingly concerned about the reappearance of patient's Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Moron returned from Africa convinced that Mandela's memorial gathering of world leaders was to honor patient for his inspired leadership of the free world, and the global peace achieved by his masterful diplomacy. Besides, I am not about to turn down free flights on Air Force One, and a couple weeks of Hawaiian sun. ---Dictated by S.H. Rink M.D.