Barack Obama's Diary: Deflatin' Mitt

Dear Diary: I am beyond furious. That rat Romney has been going around saying that Putin is outperforming me on the world stage. Of course Romney isn't party to the devastating rebuffs  I deliver to Putin daily whenever he calls seeking my counsel, addressing me with the affectionate nickname "Obamavich." I'll bet lotsa rubles that Mitt has never been honored with the nickname Mittvich.
By an odd coincidence my mobile phone at that very moment sounded a dirge from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir [or Motab to us cognoscenti] which I had set as Mitt's ringtone the night he lost to me. "Mitt," I said, for it was he, "What can I do for you, other than accepting your apology for your slanderous remarks about me and Putin?"
"Barack. I have a question for you. I had a call this morning from a man  calling me Mittvich and claiming to be Vlad Putin.  Is he for real?"
" Mittvich is Russian for moron, " I said.  If you hear from him again, Mitt, just hang up."  Heh-heh,
Problem solved.