Barack Obama's Diary: My time to shine

Dear Diary: Valerie Jarrett  has given me permission  to say in my State of the Union address tonight  that Americans are "hungry" for me to take unilateral action, bypassing Congress wherever  I can to get things done. This is plain common sense, of course. The brightest among us always knows what's best for all of us. And I am the sharpest knife in the drawer. I am all about action, so if Congress stands in my way,  I will take action on my own, bypassing  Congress, as I see fit.
I had a generous bowl of  Count Chocula this morning to fire me up for the day. It acted quickly. As I was munching the last of the delicious vampire nuggets, Putin called. The strains of the Moscow Steel Foundry Male-voice Choir alerted me, as usual. I fingered the green virtual  button on the screen of my iPresidentophone and raised it to my ear. "Obamavich? Came the familiar voice. Vladimir here...."
"Piss off, Count Putin", I said and disconnected. It felt glorious to mock him, just as it will be orgasmic to defy the GOP tonight.