Barack Obama's Diary: Snap dragons

Dear Diary: I have implemented Dr. Rink's cognitive behavior therapy, wearing a rubber band around my right wrist and snapping it when I feel anxiety building up. As instructed, I have trained myself to associate that  snap with  a relaxed and calm place. It was working well until the reports started coming in about record low temperatures. I was warning about global warming and record high temperatures a few months ago and now even the weather is conspiring  to humiliate me. And this comes after Michelle refused to return to D.C. with me opting instead to kick back her heels at Oprah's Maui spread. Excuse me for a moment: Snap! Snap! A mental magic carpet just whisked  me away to a sunny golf course where I'm playing brilliantly and three under par. But enough about me.