Barack Obama's Diary: Putin the Sugar Plum Fairy

Dear Diary: As an act of defiant mockery of Putin the Macho Man, I have changed his ring-tone to Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. And so it came to pass this morning that, as I was spooning down my Lucky Charms, the bell-like sound of a glockenspiel burst forth from my specially-engraved, custom-made iPresidentophone. "Good morning Vlad," I said [for it was he] How are you coping with our rainbow team of LGBT athletes? "
"No problem for us, Obamavich" said Vlad. "None of the Sochi hotel rooms have operational locks--for a good reason: "If your LGBTs are caught at their filthy practices, we will launch them down the ski-jump, with no clothes and no skis. This will provide our proletariat with hours  free  entertainment in return for the billions spent on the Sochi games."