Dear Diary: As an act of defiant mockery of Putin the Macho Man, I have changed his ring-tone to Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. And so it came to pass this morning that, as I was spooning down my Lucky Charms, the bell-like sound of a glockenspiel burst forth from my specially-engraved, custom-made iPresidentophone. "Good morning Vlad," I said [for it was he] How are you coping with our rainbow team of LGBT athletes? "
"No problem for us, Obamavich" said Vlad. "None of the Sochi hotel rooms have operational locks--for a good reason: "If your LGBTs are caught at their filthy practices, we will launch them down the ski-jump, with no clothes and no skis. This will provide our proletariat with hours free entertainment in return for the billions spent on the Sochi games."
"No problem for us, Obamavich" said Vlad. "None of the Sochi hotel rooms have operational locks--for a good reason: "If your LGBTs are caught at their filthy practices, we will launch them down the ski-jump, with no clothes and no skis. This will provide our proletariat with hours free entertainment in return for the billions spent on the Sochi games."
