Progress Notes for patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack, H.

Patient is in a full-blown panic. After I persuaded him, under hypnosis, that Vladimir Putin was no more fearsome than a ladybug. The moron told Putin to "piss off"  during a subsequent phone call. Putin has since docked a spy ship in Havana, staged a stealth invasion of Crimea, massed tens of thousands of troops near the Ukrainian border and scrambled squadrons of his best fighter aircraft. Today I  rehypnotized  patient  and suggested he cool it and develop an irresistible urge to reread Diplomacy for Dummies, then to call Putin back and to be friendly and accommodating. I wrapped that up with a prescription for Ativan  to calm him.--- Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.