Dear Diary: I am in shock, SHOCK, I tell you. Not about the elections [geniuses like me are seldom appreciated in their own time] but from the lava flow on the Big Island burying my small plantation of Blueberry Yum-Yum, the merlot of marijuanas. I went to bed early last night -- as is my habit at critical moments like the night of the Benghazi incident. This morning, as I consumed my Honeynut Cheerios, I switched off my iPresidentophone, to preempt any impudent calls from Vlad, Bibi, and their like, offering gratuitous advice on winning elections. But enough about me.