Vladimir Putin's Diary: My new plot to embarrass Obamavitch

Dear Diary: Here I am Down Under in Brisbane for the G20  summit. Australians seem friendly, if a little too easy-going. I'm not sure if someone of my distinction should be addressed by room service  as " mate" and asked if I would like a "coldie" before dinner. When I answered in the affirmative, I was offered a formidable choice of beers. I opted instead for a miniature bottle of iced Stolichnaya vodka from my suite's mini bar. As I sipped it, I hatched a plan to embarrass Barack Obamavitch once more. I called room service to ask for a pair of swim shorts. "Certainly, Mr President, mate, would you like surfing shorts or a budgie-smuggler?"
"Budgie smuggler?" I asked.
 "That's what we call Speedos here these days because they look like the wearer has a budgerigar (parakeet) hidden in a pouch in front --we have a big problem with tourists smuggling out endangered species.
"I'll have a budgie smuggler and would like another pair delivered to President Obama's suite. Charge it to me."  (I want Obamavitch to have no excuse when I invite him later to join me for a swim in the sea. Bwaaahahaha! He never learns. Making a him look like a moron is like shooting fish in a barrel.) Meanwhile I have flotilla of warships off Australia's northern coast, just remind these G20 delegates who wields the real power around here. That would be me.