When it snows it blows, or at least the East Coast media does
Marc Lester of The Anchorage Daily News writes:
"If the snows ever return to Southcentral Alaska, here's a tip on how to survive, courtesy of the lamestream media from America's faraway coast: "Stay warm.''
With the mother of all storms (or maybe the stepsister of a midsize Bering Sea blow) pummeling the East Coast this week, "stay warm'' was No. 3 on the list of "top safety tips for surviving the blizzard of 2015''
Yes, this is the savvy information now provided by the network once home to legendary newsman Walter Cronkite. It has to make Alaskans wonder just how out of touch with nature are those who live Outside.
The other top tips?
"Put down the snow shovel."
"Mind the gas."
The first three warnings are largely self-explanatory, but the last could leave a few scratching their heads. It was a caution against trying to heat the house with a charcoal grill, camp stove or any of the other heating devices that come with warnings to use them only outside because they give off large quantities of carbon monoxide.
Carbon monoxide (CO) is an odorless, colorless gas that adheres to red blood cells and takes the place of oxygen. It doesn't take much CO to poison and kill people. "Mind the gas'' might be a valid safety tip.
What next? Tips on how to deal with Superbowl Sunday?
Turn on the TV. Be sure to have adequate supplies of chips, salsa and beer. Don't drive. Put down the shovel.
The CBS snow shovel warning is especially rich: "Some doctors recommend avoiding snow shoveling if you are over 55 or have a history of heart problems. If you must shovel the snow, be aware of the health implications; take breaks, dress warmly and remember to breathe."
Don't you hate it when you forget to breathe? That just causes all kinds of problems. And if you're over 55, well, then you probably already know that's when life basically ends, and you climb into your rocker to await death."