Barack Obama's Diary: The wonderful State of Me

It's State of the Union time again, when I am liberated to speak about all things Me, Mine, to trumpet My extraordinary, history-making achievements, about how I have spread peace and goodwill across the Earth, leaving only a few coins as a gratuity.  And then, of course, those pesky Iranians had to steal My thunder by impounding two small navy boats just as I was gearing up for My moment  in the global spotlight.