Laughing Conservative

1/6/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Snap dragons

Dear Diary: I have implemented Dr. Rink's cognitive behavior therapy, wearing a rubber band around my right wrist and snapping it when I feel anxiety building up. As instructed, I have trained myself to associate that snap with a relaxed and calm place. It was working well until the reports started coming in about record low temperatures. I was warning about global warming and record high temperatures a few months ago and now even the weather is conspiring to humiliate me. And this comes after Michelle refused to return to D.C. with me opting instead to kick back her heels at Oprah's Maui spread. Excuse me for a moment: Snap! Snap! A mental magic carpet just whisked me away to a sunny golf course where I'm playing brilliantly and three under par. But enough about me.

Hitler series: Hitler loses his doctor

1/5/14

Our tax dollars at work

First Lady Michelle Obama did not accompany President Obama and their daughters home from Hawaii, a decision that will likely cost taxpayers at least a couple of hundred thousand dollars.The White House described the move as a "birthday gift" from President Obama to his wife, allowing her to "spend time with friends" ahead of her 50th birthday. More

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Cartoon: Randall Enos

1/4/14

A Winning Barrage from Farage

Followers of Laughing Conservative know that the LC is a long-time admirer of Nigel Farage, leader of the UK Independence Party [UKIP] besides being a very talented public speaker he is turning the UKIP into a rapidly-growing UK version of the Tea Party, that threatens a real shake-up of the UK's moribund political scene. Here he is, giving hell to the Eurocrats of the European Parliament.

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack H.

1/4/14: In those few moments in Hawaii when Patient was not on a golf course, I have managed to get him started on a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, since I think a drug-free regimen is the best anti-anxiety treatment for a man who loves his Blueberry Yum Yum. My aim has been to redirect some of the anxiety he feels when he does not excel at something [which, in his case, means most things] I have recommended that he always wear a rubber band around his right wrist and pluck at it whenever he feels anxiety, and practice associating the sting of the elastic band with a calm, safe place, like his White House bunker, that he can retreat to mentally until the panic wears off. No sooner had we boarded Air Force One for the long ride home when the onboard communications officer announced that he had Vladimir Putin on the line. Patient quickly made his way to his desk and picked up the phone. "Vlad? he asked. I was not permitted to be close enough to clearly overhear the conversation, but the Moron immediately began snapping the rubber band and continued to do so busily through the entire conversation, which I take as a hopeful sign that I may be making some progress in alleviating his acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder.---Dictated by S.H. Rink M.D.

Barack Obama's Diary: A grave decision

Dear Diary, This being our last day in Hawaii, I felt an obligation to take Sasha and Malia to visit Grandpa Dunham's grave at the National Memorial Cemetery. I regretted it almost immediately as our motorcade was repeatedly delayed by traffic. But we made up for lost time by being back in the motorcade four minutes after finding the grave. With family duties fulfilled, we departed for the zoo.
Later we had a last dinner at the Morimoto restaurant before boarding Air Force One for the long flight home. We should be back in the White House around midday Sunday, and I’ll be back at work Monday. But enough about me.

Obamacare ignores babies

When parents covered by ObamaCare have a baby, they can tell their families, friends, and co-workers—but not the federal government. It seems the HealthCare.gov website doesn't provide that option at the moment, reports AP. Nor can participants report other life-changing circumstances, such as marriage, divorce, a change in income, or a geographical move. The glitch was supposed to have been fixed after the launch, but got shunted aside amid bigger tech problems.
"It's just another example of, 'We'll fix that later,'" says an industry consultant. "This needed to be done well before January. It's sort of a fly-by-night approach." So what's a new mom to do? Report the child's birth directly to her insurer to make Junior is covered, then report it to the federal insurance marketplace ... whenever the fix is made. As of now, there's no estimate on when that might be. [BJS]

1/3/14

Our tax dollars at work

American taxpayers spent $7.45 billion to help developing countries cope with climate change in fiscal years 2010 through 2012, according to a federal government report submitted to the United Nations on a subject that Secretary of State John Kerry described as “a truly life-and-death challenge.” More here.
[ECS]

1/2/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Another PM lands me in trouble

Dear Diary: I was reminded today why I normally restrict my golfing buddies to aides or longtime friends. They know better than to upstage Me. Today, I made the mistake of inviting the New Zealand Prime Minister, John Key, pictured left, [who has a Hawaiian vacation home] and his teenage son Max, to join me and chef Sam Kass for a round of golf. At the only hole that is visible to the street, I putted my ball several feet short of the hole, while Max sank his in one putt. Awkwaaard...Max luckily responded to the high-five which I bestowed upon him lest I be considered a sore loser. John Key is a presumptuous man, Prime Minister of a country about the size of California, known best for its rugby team named the All Blacks [they aren't]. Key has his office in a weird-looking building called The Beehive which is notable for its almost complete lack of security [after all, who would want to blow it up?] But enough about me.

Dim Crims: Double vision

After police in Pennsylvania arrested 53-year-old Steven Flick for DUI (an arrest that involved him attempting to flee and being caught), Kimberly Flick called police around 2am on New Year's Day to arrange a pick-up. They warned her not to come if she, too had been drinking—but she allegedly ignored the warning. When she arrived she, too, was charged. [Source] [BJS]

If you like your arthritis, you can keep your arthritis

On Oct. 1, 2012 the Obama administration started awarding bonus points to hospitals that spend the least on elderly patients. It will result in fewer knee replacements, hip replacements, angioplasty, bypass surgery and cataract operations.
These are the five procedures that have transformed aging for older Americans. They used to languish in wheelchairs and nursing homes due to arthritis, cataracts and heart disease. Now they lead active lives. But the Obama administration is undoing that progress, by cutting $716 billion from future Medicare funding over the next decade and rewarding the hospitals that spend the least on seniors. More here

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