Pacu, the testicle eater
Britain's The Telegraph tells of a British angler, Jeremy Wade, 53, who spent weeks fishing in remote Papua New Guinea after locals told him how a mysterious beast was castrating young men in the area's waters. He finally caught the perpetrator: the Pacu fish, known locally as the Ball Cutter.
Could one of these have taken up residence in the White House plumbing? That would explain much about the Undecider-in-Chief.