Barack Obama's Diary: 'Everyting arite, Mon '

Dear Diary: After my usual morning briefing I went on to meet members of the Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus. I always try to reproduce people's accents or manner of speaking  because I feel it relaxes them.  A few minutes before the meeting I polished my Asian accent in the Oval Office until I was happy with it. Then I strode into the meeting: "Good mauling, little yerrow men! " I cried.  " It's good to see you. You velly wercome in Why House! I hope you not come here to correct interest on our debts," I said jovially. "Because the check is in the mail." There was no laughter, but I guess their humor is different than ours.  Michelle is still worried about  what she thinks is my paranoia and arranged for my Jamaican  psychiatrist to see me  again in the private residence. "Wha'appen, Mon? I said. "Barack, you still hearing door locks aclickin' when you approach cars?" he asked. I replied. "I was playin' golf at Fort Belvoir yesterday, and I swear I heard locks closing when I neared  other golf carts."  He looked at me blankly  for a moment. "Golf carts don' have door locks, Mon,"  he said. "I'm going to put you on a course of Paxil to combat anxiety.  Don' worry... be happy. Everyting goin' to be aright, Mon".
"But I don't have any anxiety Mon," I interrupted.
" Mon, you should, with the country going to hell in a bankra," he said.  "I'll see you in a couple days, aright...Walk good, Mon."
 "Walk good, Mon" I replied.   But enough about me.