Stereotype alert: Wong Chow calls into work and says, "I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." Wong's boss says, "you know something, Wong Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.Two hours later Wong Chow calls again, "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house." [RK]
3/19/15
Joke of the Day...
3/18/15
3/17/15
Barack Obama's Diary:Oops....my bid to soothe Bibi backfires
Dear Diary: Damn, damn, damn...a thousand times, damn! Bibi appears to have prevailed overwhelmingly in the Israeli elections, despite my Administration's best efforts which will have only further enraged him, and will make him even more of a thorn in my side. Perhaps I could lessen this with a warm congratulatory phone call over breakfast, I reasoned When my Honeywheat Cheerios arrived, I speed-dialed Bibi. "Congratulations!" I declared, "on your triumphant election." There was dead silence from the other end. "Obama" came a familiar voice,"Have you any idea what time it is here?" "Google it, Bozo....and enjoy your cyanide" The line went dead.
3/16/15
3/14/15
Satire alert: Hillary's emails exposed!
Keith Koffler's White House Dossier hired a team of unemployed, stoned geeks for cheap – and unlimited munchies – to hack into Hillary Clinton’s server. They succeeded in downloading several hundred emails before someone from LifeLock called.
Here are a few of Hillary’s “private” emails sent as Secretary of State:
*****************
From: Bill [bubba@clintonemail.com]
To: Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com]
Subject: Re: Sexy!
Date: October 10, 2009, 6:20 pm
You were killing me with that pantsuit today.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:21 pm, Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com] wrote:
Oh, stop.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:22 pm, Bill [bubba@clintonemail.com] wrote:
No really.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:23 pm, Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com] wrote:
Oh do go on.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:26 pm, Bill [bubba@clintonemail.com] wrote:
I mean, I really liked the salmon one. But hospital green is just your color.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:27 pm, Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com] wrote:
I think you’re right.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:32 pm, Bill [bubba@clintonemail.com] wrote:
It matches your eyes.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:32 pm, Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com] wrote:
My eyes are blue.
On Oct. 10, 2 Read it all
Here are a few of Hillary’s “private” emails sent as Secretary of State:
*****************
From: Bill [bubba@clintonemail.com]
To: Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com]
Subject: Re: Sexy!
Date: October 10, 2009, 6:20 pm
You were killing me with that pantsuit today.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:21 pm, Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com] wrote:
Oh, stop.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:22 pm, Bill [bubba@clintonemail.com] wrote:
No really.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:23 pm, Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com] wrote:
Oh do go on.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:26 pm, Bill [bubba@clintonemail.com] wrote:
I mean, I really liked the salmon one. But hospital green is just your color.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:27 pm, Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com] wrote:
I think you’re right.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:32 pm, Bill [bubba@clintonemail.com] wrote:
It matches your eyes.
On Oct. 10, 2009 at 6:32 pm, Hillary [hdr22@clintonemail.com] wrote:
My eyes are blue.
On Oct. 10, 2 Read it all
3/13/15
Kerry lurches out of history
T.G., our eagle-eyed Alaska contributor sends a link to this:
"There are just some people
in this nation
in this nation
who never seem to go away
- or change.
- or change.
Just who is that guy standing next to "Hanoi Jane" Fonda at an anti-war protest rally back in the 70's?*Golly Gee!!, Why it is none other than our very own Secretary of State, the (dis) "honorable" Comrade John Kerry.
NOW AIN'T THAT SPECIAL!!!!Just wanted to refresh your memory regarding the quality of the current
White House administration.
3/11/15
Barack Obama's Diary: My new ganja ruse works brilliantly
Today, I tried a cunning new ruse to increase my ganja supply. I persuaded Marv Nicholson to go out to a party with some of my Secret Service protective detail, pick up some weed and return with them to the White House, knowing they would all be waved through without query. Predictably, two of the Secret Service's drivers overdid the bourbon/rocks and their massive midnight-blue Suburbans collided with some crowd barriers at the White House entrance. But, even so, they were waved through without question. So simple! Thus was my ganja supply replenished for the foreseeable future. I'm so clever, I could hug myself and I probably will. Tonight...tonight....I'll smoke a spliff tonight...and hope Dr. S.H. Rink doesn't come visiting and scold me for mixing weed with his sedatives.
Barack Obama's Diary: My ganja airlift continues
I have been trying using overwhelming odds against the Secret Service in my efforts to fly in more ganja with a fleet of drones. I have set the Rules of Engagement impossibly high which ensures that some drones get through to the White House roof where my aides like Marvelous Marv are waiting to spirit them away into the messenger-pigeon loft which is kept for emergency communication with the Pentagon in the wake of a nuclear-powered Electro-Magnetic Pulse which would cripple all electronic equipment. This was Joe Biden's idea, which we introduced to keep the old coot occupied feeding them and feeling useful..
3/10/15
3/9/15
Socialist medicine: No staff? Just call the cops
Vulnerable seniors are being locked in police cells when Britain's under-staffed National Health Service cannot cope with them. A shocking official report reveals that a 90-year-old dementia sufferer was put in custody after he fought with his carers. In another desperate case, a 75-year-old with multiple health problems was detained even against the advice of his doctor. The examples were uncovered by watchdogs investigating police treatment of the elderly, the mentally ill and children. Read it all
The Dung Beetle Award goes to...
The Academy of Dung Beetles' Award is being rolled towards the latest version of a top-selling study guide for the Advanced Placement European History exam which explains the French Revolution with a chart which identifies Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas as a fascist and pairs him with the Ku Klux Klan. “Barron’s AP European History” (7th edition) makes the claim, intended for consumption by American high school students, on page 168. The chart attempts to compare modern American political affiliations with the various factions involved in the French Revolution. The chart moves politically from left to right. The far right of the chart is labeled “fascist.” The authors demonstrate modern-day “fascists” by pairing “Clarence Thomas and the KKK” in the same box. [ECS]
3/8/15
Barack Obama's Diary: Kaboom! My stubborn pursuit of ganja continues
Alas, Marv Nicholson ultimately declined to take me out in his white Civic to hunt down some of the weed that dealers are now selling near schools in DC. But, being the stalwart guy that he is, he promised to persuade the operator of a food truck near the White House to keep a supply of this essential item for White House staff, Secret Service personnel and other assorted ne'er-do-wells.
I dispatched Marv with a fat bankroll to stock-up for me. Soon afterwards there was a loud explosion...and the Secret Service locked down the White House, as I hid in my usual refuge: the notorious Lewinsky masturbatorium. Apparently the truck operator had allowed his propane stove to extinguish itself during the transaction with Marv and the build-up of unburned propane had caused a minor explosion. I've been able to replenish my weed in the secret compartment of the Resolute Desk in which Teddy Roosevelt is reputed to have kept that legendary big stick which he carried around while speaking so softly.
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