Dear Diary: The crowds of adoring subjects at my campaign rallies are growing smaller. I'm sure it's just because they all expect me to sweep to victory in a historic landslide in November. Popularity brings its own disadvantages, like voter inertia. Maybe we should raffle a free broccoli-rich school lunch with Me and Michelle to generate some grass-roots excitement. Who could resist that? Meantime, the usual suspects are still bristling with angst about Biden. But without Hillary as a substitute I'm chained to the silly old coot. Talking of which, I'm having lunch with him tomorrow, followed by a few interviews with local news anchors who will be too awed by my majesty to ask demanding questions. If only every day were as easy. [Notice that because of my incomparable education I used the correct subjunctive 'were' rather than 'was' after 'if' --I'm so clever I could dance]
