Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack H.

4/20/2015: Valerie Jarrett called, anxious about Patient's  condition and asked me to make a house call.  I made my way to the family quarters, where I found patient lying face down on the hideous brown sofa, beating feebly at the faux velvet. "Salary!" he sobbed. "Must have salary for Michelle, or she will torture me again." Judging by his high level of paranoia, he had been at the stash of weed in the secret compartment of the Resolute Desk. I inserted a modest injection of Ativan into his skinny butt. "Keep him away from weed, and Michelle," I told Jarrett. "He'll calm down within in an hour or so." Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.